The Only Pretend Farmer

Somewhere Riding a Tractor and Drinking Shitty Beer | Back to Making Moves

[Wiseman George Robitussin III @GeorgeRobIII]

Your time is up, my time is now

[The Only Pretend Farmer @PretendFarmer]

Genuinely might have to boycott the NFL after reading this

[Adam Schefter @AdamSchefter]

NFL officially appointed influential storyteller Dhar Mann as its first-ever Chief Kindness Officer and Creator of the Week for Super Bowl LX.

[staxxx🦅 @papiwontmiss]

My dad casually shouted at my brother during his hockey game “MAYBE IF YOU DIDN’T VAPE YOU WOULDN’T BE SUCKING FOR AIR RIGHT NOW” like 20 people turned and looked at us😭😭

[Bö Jänke: Hönkÿ @Bob_Janke]

X needs to go back to a 140 character limit so I don't have to constantly read War and Peace from some of you blowhards

[Jonathan “Highlife” Appleseed; CTO, MBA @jonnyhighlife]

Everyone in any self-checkout line that’s ahead of me.

[Khem Birch Society @NBABabySecret]

Lost 700 straight games of rock, paper, scissors because everyone know which one I’m about

🤑🤑🤑

[Worst Contrarian - BACK OFFICE @ LARP CAPITAL @larpcapitalwc]

Goals for 2026:

- switch up on my oldest friends
- forget where I came from
- spend less time with my family
- let the money change me

[one dozen rats at a keyboard @PanasonicDX4500]

they’re bluffing when they say you can still get knocked off the nice list this late in the game. santa’s been delivering gifts in japan for hours by now; that list is locked, do whatever you want.

[The Only Pretend Farmer @PretendFarmer]

Update?????

[Semen Demons @SDBowsJ]

TOUCHDOWN FOR RJ! Lot of game left!

[The Only Pretend Farmer @PretendFarmer]

New team motto dropped for y’all @SDBowsJ

[horse @horsetwting]

Fuck you dude

[milk @milkinhisbag]

how the head of hr at my company looks at me when coldplay announces new tour dates

[The Only Pretend Farmer @PretendFarmer]

@LeGlazeDickEat No?????

[dinosaur @dinosaurs1969]

unfortunately i have the paper towel habit of a much wealthier man

[Detroit Tigers @tigers]

BRING 'EM ALL HOME RILEY.

#VoteTigers ⭐️ https://t.co/JrsIBeU1cG

[The Only Pretend Farmer @PretendFarmer]

Gonna try the Chand method. Can’t wait to see what it tastes like in 48 hours

[RedditCFB @RedditCFB]

New rivalry just dropped.

[The Only Pretend Farmer @PretendFarmer]

.@LeGlazeDickEat when talking to Chand