ThePrimaryParentTrap

I make jokes about parenting and marriage. I give advice from time to time. Even more rare I give good advice. Follow and laugh at my mom/wife fails!

[ThePrimaryParentTrap @PrimeParentTrap]

I call them sloppy joes 278 times with no repeating from the toddler

Husband calls them sloppy hoes once...

And my kid is using a new word

[ThePrimaryParentTrap @PrimeParentTrap]

Me: if you had to give up water or power which do you think would be easier to live without?

Husband: you mean like in a disaster?

Me: do you call i just had to go grocery shopping a disaster?

Husband: not usually, no...

Me: then no not like in a disaster

[ThePrimaryParentTrap @PrimeParentTrap]

@RickShag Exactly! My motto which also drives him nuts is "id rather have it and not need it than need it and not have it."

[ThePrimaryParentTrap @PrimeParentTrap]

If you have multiple to-do lists running, checklists for more than groceries/sundries, and a filled out calendar you either

A. Are a super organized type A personality who has their shit together

Or

B. An add/adhd/neurodivergent who forgets to dry the clothes without a list.

[ThePrimaryParentTrap @PrimeParentTrap]

I am at the age where conversations can blindside me with my age.

Like when discussing the trade center bombing with someone and they begin to argue it wasnt a bomb but planes.

I explain i mean the first attack. 1993.

And they respond with oh i wasnt born yet...ow

[ThePrimaryParentTrap @PrimeParentTrap]

@KoboldRampage Anytime! We gotta stick together! Team distracted squirrel!

[ThePrimaryParentTrap @PrimeParentTrap]

@RickShag I drive my husband insane before a trip. Because i have sevetal packing and things that need done lists. And then a list of lists to make sure those lists are conpleted 😬

[ThePrimaryParentTrap @PrimeParentTrap]

@good4yourage Your probably on team distracted squirrel like me 🤣

[ThePrimaryParentTrap @PrimeParentTrap]

It was bad enough when we grew up and 20 dollars stopped feeling like 100.

But did 100 really have to start feeling like a 5?

Im ready to get birthday money again and spend it on anything not responsible 😡

[ThePrimaryParentTrap @PrimeParentTrap]

Sons bday is this week.

Car broke down and needs a replacement the same week.

Family member asked what im getting him for his birthday and i said a back seat. Attached to a running vehicle. Happy birthday son 🤷‍♀️🤦‍♀️

[ThePrimaryParentTrap @PrimeParentTrap]

Just put my car in the shoo.

I told the guy im hoping its a hose but planning on a water pump. And praying to all thats holy its not a head gasket.

He laughed and said at least i knew the price ranges apparently.

[ThePrimaryParentTrap @PrimeParentTrap]

@roguecaliber I have seen this urgent care for falling down stairs, cutting my wrist with a box cutter ( thankfully he knew i didnt need a pysch consult) dislocating my shoulder falling out of my car. Super clutz.

And i feel the same way. The injury heals pride doesnt lol

[ThePrimaryParentTrap @PrimeParentTrap]

The harder you try to express you really are a clutz and hit your chin on a door knob the more the urgent care np will side eye your husband.

I know this now.

Thankfully the supervising doc has known me since long before i met my husband and can verify i am infact a giant clutz

[ThePrimaryParentTrap @PrimeParentTrap]

@SplashDamage1 🤣 sounds about right

[ThePrimaryParentTrap @PrimeParentTrap]

Toddler randomly sat up in bed and just stared at his hands for 60 seconds like hed never seen them before.

Then he flopped back down and was instantly asleep.

Not sure if i should be worried or just accept hes as weird in his sleep as his dad is. Must be genetic.

[ThePrimaryParentTrap @PrimeParentTrap]

@markeology Sheep pig go oinkaaaaa

[ThePrimaryParentTrap @PrimeParentTrap]

@LordOfFuckery Wrong. We are using you to kill the spider and mow the lawn. Hoodies and beards are just our biggest perk

[ThePrimaryParentTrap @PrimeParentTrap]

@Bulwark_Shield I dont know gow im going to survive that time of his life. Im dying at him not needing a baby toothbrush

[ThePrimaryParentTrap @PrimeParentTrap]

They warn you about a lot of emotional things when your becoming a parent.

But not that youll cry when you switch from an infant seat to a car seat. When you turn the car seat front facing from rear.

Having to shop the kids section instead of baby section. So dumb #stopgrowing

[ThePrimaryParentTrap @PrimeParentTrap]

@Spell_boundd That lip color is amazing on you! Beautiful as always girl

[ThePrimaryParentTrap @PrimeParentTrap]

@MikeLamberti Agree! Also caillou.

[ThePrimaryParentTrap @PrimeParentTrap]

@Talk_To_The_Hat Match book and a random half dead aaa battery