Donald Edet

A man’s life is a fairytale written by God’s finger #sport journalists

[Donald Edet @Primodizzy202]

Part 2
Girlfriend: "On the expressway? Perfect."
Boyfriend: "What does that mean?"
She pulled out her phone, opened her vehicle tracking app, and tapped the screen twice.
Boyfriend: "What are you doing?"
Girlfriend: "Remote engine kill. It cuts the fuel supply the second the speed drops below 20 km/h."
His phone instantly rang on speaker. It was his panicked friend.
Friend: "Bro! The car just shut down completely in the middle of the toll gate! The dashboard is flashing red and the alarm is screaming!"
Boyfriend’s face went completely pale.
Boyfriend: "Babe! Turn it back on! He's blocking the entire lane!"
Girlfriend put her phone back in her purse and smiled calmly.
Girlfriend: "Tell your 'experienced driver' friend to call a tow truck with his own money. And when you get back inside, I want my key on the table and your bags by the door."

[Donald Edet @Primodizzy202]

Part 1
Boyfriend: "I gave my friend your car for the weekend. He needs to travel for a burial."
Girlfriend: "You gave away my car? Without even asking me?"
Boyfriend: "His family is in mourning! Don't be selfish, it's just two days."
Girlfriend: "I bought that car with my hard-earned money! What if something happens to it?"
Boyfriend: "He's an experienced driver. Besides, what's mine is yours, and what's yours is mine."
Girlfriend: "Then where is the ₦500,000 you promised to return to me last month?"
Boyfriend: "Why are you bringing up money now? Relationships are about sacrifice!"
Girlfriend: "Sacrifice or exploitation? Call him to bring my keys back right now."
Boyfriend: "He's already on the expressway. I'm not calling anybody."

[Donald Edet @Primodizzy202]

Part 2
Girlfriend: "Pack my things? You seem to forget who signed the lease."
Boyfriend: "The landlord knows me as the man of the house. He won't throw me out."
Girlfriend opened her estate management app and tapped her screen twice.
Boyfriend: "What are you doing?"
Girlfriend: "Submitting a formal request to transfer my rent credit to a new unit in Phase 2."
His phone chimed with a notification from the estate security portal.
Boyfriend: "Wait... what is this alert?"
Girlfriend: "Your access code to the main gate has been revoked since your name isn't on the official tenancy documents."
Boyfriend's eyes widened as he looked up from his screen.
Boyfriend: "Babe... you can't lock us out! My mom's bus is arriving in two hours!"
Girlfriend grabbed her handbag and smiled.
Girlfriend: "I'm not locked out, I just moved to my new studio upstairs. You and your mom can share the rug in the lobby.

[Donald Edet @Primodizzy202]

Part 1
Boyfriend: "My mother is coming from the village to stay with us for three months."
Girlfriend: "Three months? In a one-bedroom apartment? Where will she sleep?"
Boyfriend: "She will take the bed. We can sleep on the rug in the parlor."
Girlfriend: "The rug? Why didn't you discuss this with me before giving her the date?"
Boyfriend: "I don't need permission to bring my own mother into my living space."
Girlfriend: "Your living space? I pay 60% of the rent, and my name is on the tenancy agreement!"
Boyfriend: "A good woman doesn't count money when it comes to family."
Girlfriend: "A good man doesn't displace the person paying his rent without notice."
Boyfriend: "If you can't accommodate my family, pack your things and leave."

[Donald Edet @Primodizzy202]

Part 2
Girlfriend: "No, respect gives people the right to cross my threshold."
Boyfriend: "Well, he’s already inside. He unlocked the door 10 minutes ago."
Girlfriend opened her smart home app and tapped two buttons on her screen.
Boyfriend: "What are you doing?"
Girlfriend: "Changing the digital lock code remotely. And activating the silent security alarm."
His phone instantly rang on speaker. It was his panicked younger brother.
Brother: "Bro! Sirens are blaring, the door deadbolts just locked from the outside, and two armed security guards are standing at the gate asking for my ID!"
Boyfriend’s face went completely pale.
Boyfriend: "Babe, turn it off! Tell them he’s not a burglar!"
Girlfriend: "Why should I? Like you said, I’m just a dramatic girl protecting her apartment."
She grabbed her handbag and walked toward the exit.
Girlfriend: "You better run there with his birth certificate before they take him to the station."

[Donald Edet @Primodizzy202]

Part 1
Boyfriend: "I gave my brother the keys to your apartment for the weekend."
Girlfriend: "You gave him my keys? Without asking me?"
Boyfriend: "He needed a quiet place to study for his exams. Don't be dramatic."
Girlfriend: "I have confidential work files and expensive equipment in that apartment!"
Boyfriend: "He’s family. Are you saying you don't trust my blood?"
Girlfriend: "I don't trust anyone having access to my place without my permission."
Boyfriend: "It’s practically my place too. I sleep there four nights a week."
Girlfriend: "You sleep there as my guest. You don't pay rent."
Boyfriend: "So money gives you the right to disrespect my family?"

[Donald Edet @Primodizzy202]

Part 2
Girlfriend: "Okay. The wedding is off."
Boyfriend: "Stop bluffing. You’ve already bought your dress and printed invitation cards."
Girlfriend: "I'm not bluffing. Hand over your phone."
Boyfriend: "For what?"
Girlfriend: "Call the venue manager on speaker right now and tell him to cancel."
He sneered, dialed the manager, and put it on speaker to test her.
Boyfriend: "Hello, we want to cancel the booking for the 24th and get our deposit back."
Venue Manager: "Ah, Sir, Miss Blessing called 10 minutes ago and transferred the date booking to her sister's birthday bash instead. The money is fully utilized."
His face drained of color as the manager hung up.
Boyfriend: "You... you moved the venue booking?!"
Girlfriend: "I paid for it, so I used it. Pack your things out of my apartment before I return from my sister’s party."

[Donald Edet @Primodizzy202]

Part 1
Boyfriend: "My mother says we can’t use the venue you chose. She wants it in her village."
Girlfriend: "The village? We’ve already paid ₦1.5 million non-refundable deposit for the hall in Lagos."
Boyfriend: "She’s the matriarch. Her decision is final."
Girlfriend: "It’s our wedding, and I paid 100% of that deposit with my own salary."
Boyfriend: "What belongs to you belongs to me, and what’s mine belongs to my family."
Girlfriend: "So my hard-earned money should just waste because she wants control?"
Boyfriend: "It’s not control, it’s respect. If you can’t respect my mother now, how will you be a wife?"
Girlfriend: "Respect goes both ways. You didn't even ask me before agreeing with her."
Boyfriend: "I don't need to ask permission to honour my mother. Change the venue or forget the wedding."

[Donald Edet @Primodizzy202]

Part 2
Girlfriend: "No problem. I will pack my things."
She picked up her car keys and headed for the door.
Boyfriend: "And where do you think you're going with that energy? Come back and help me cook."
She stopped at the door, turned around, and smiled.
Girlfriend: "Before I left, I called the Surveyor-General's office."
Boyfriend: "What nonsense are you talking about?"
Her phone buzzed with an official email. She read it aloud.
Girlfriend: "The C of O for that land was registered under my full legal name because I paid the state allocation fee directly. The land is mine."
His jaw hit the floor as he scrambled for his phone.
Boyfriend: "You... you did what?!"
Girlfriend: "Enjoy your 'vision' sitting on my property. Eviction notice is landing on Monday.

[Donald Edet @Primodizzy202]

Part 1
Boyfriend: "Why is your name not on the land title? I bought the plot."
Girlfriend: "Because you said we would do a joint survey after the bride price."
Boyfriend: "Well, I changed my mind. A man's property is his property."
Girlfriend: "After I used my salary to feed you for two years while you were jobless?"
Boyfriend: "That was your contribution as a supporting partner. Don't use it to claim my land."
Girlfriend: "Your land? With the money I sent from my UK account?"
Boyfriend: "It came through your hand, but it was my vision. Know your place."
Girlfriend: "My place. Wow."
Boyfriend: "If you don't like it, pack your things. The house is mine too."

[Donald Edet @Primodizzy202]

Girlfriend: "Take it."
She pulled the ring off her finger, placed it on the glass table, and unlocked her phone.
Boyfriend: "So you’re finally being reasonable."
Girlfriend: "I’m opening the gallery. Look at the last photo."
He snatched the phone and looked at the screen. His smug expression vanished instantly.
It was a screenshot of a transaction receipt showing $3,000 sent to his sister’s medical fundraiser two days ago.
Girlfriend: "You asked for full transparency. That was my emergency fund I used to save your sister's surgery."
Boyfriend: "Babe... wait, I didn't know—"
Girlfriend picked up the ring, dropped it directly into his half-empty soda can, and walked out.

[Donald Edet @Primodizzy202]

Boyfriend: "Give me your phone passcode. Married couples don't keep secrets."
Girlfriend: "We’re not married yet, and I deserve basic privacy."
Boyfriend: "If you have nothing to hide, you should just hand it over."
Girlfriend: "You won't even let me see who texts you at 11 PM every night."
Boyfriend: "That's work. I'm a man, my situation is different."
Girlfriend: "So you get privacy, but I have to hand over my whole phone?"
Boyfriend: "I’m the head of this relationship. Trust is built on full transparency."
Girlfriend: "Transparency goes both ways."
Boyfriend: "If I don't get the passcode right now, hand back the promise ring."

[Donald Edet @Primodizzy202]

Girlfriend: "Fine. Print your mother's bank statement first."
Boyfriend: "What? Why would my mother show you her bank statement?!"
Girlfriend: "Since she's so worried about debt, I need to check if she’ll be asking us for money every month after we get married."
Boyfriend: "That is completely disrespecting my mother!"
Girlfriend: "No, it’s double standards."
She opened her phone, unlocked her banking app, and held the screen in front of his face.
Girlfriend: "Look at the balance."
His eyes nearly popped out as he read the eight figures on the screen.
Girlfriend: "That’s my private savings. And now you can go back and tell your mother that neither of you will ever touch a single kobo of it."

[Donald Edet @Primodizzy202]

Boyfriend: "My mother wants to look over your bank statements before we finalize the bride price."
Girlfriend: "My bank statements? Why does your mother need to see my private finances?"
Boyfriend: "She just wants to make sure you’re good with money and not carrying secret debt."
Girlfriend: "We’ve been dating for two years. You know my job and my lifestyle."
Boyfriend: "It’s a traditional requirement in our family. My brother’s wife did it too."
Girlfriend: "Marriage is between you and me, not your mother’s audit committee."
Boyfriend: "If you have nothing to hide, why are you making a big deal out of it?"
Girlfriend: "Because it’s about respect and privacy."
Boyfriend: "If you won't show it, then the wedding is off. Simple."

[Donald Edet @Primodizzy202]

Men, I'm putting y'all on game with this one. You're welcome
Nectar Pack

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[Donald Edet @Primodizzy202]

Husband: "My sister is moving into our spare room next week."
Wife: "We talked about this. I said no. I work from home and need that office."
Husband: "It’s my house. I pay the mortgage."
Wife: "We pay it together! I put in half every single month!"
Husband: "My name is on the title deed, not yours."
Wife: "Because you promised we'd add my name after the wedding!"
Husband: "Well, we didn't. So it's my decision."
Wife: "She’s lived with three different relatives this year and got kicked out every time."
Husband: "She's family. You're being heartless."

[Donald Edet @Primodizzy202]

Wife: "If she moves in, I move my half of the finances out."
Husband: "Go ahead. I make enough to cover it."
Wife pulled out her phone and made a single phone call on speaker.
Bank Manager: "Good afternoon, Mrs. Ade. How can I help you?"
Wife: "I’d like to stop the automatic monthly transfer from my account to the mortgage, starting today."
Bank Manager: "Understood. And should we also pause the joint line of credit linked to your business account?"
Husband’s eyes went wide. He mouthed, Wait.
Wife: "Yes. Block all access to it immediately."
She hung up and looked at him.
Wife: "Since e be your house, make sure you cover the ₦800,000 mortgage payment due on Monday yourself. Have a nice day."

[Donald Edet @Primodizzy202]

Men, I'm putting y'all on game with this one. You're welcome
Nectar Pack

https://t.co/IQOOEcRrXJ

[Donald Edet @Primodizzy202]

I had lived with my roommate, Favour, for almost eight months.

We weren’t best friends, but we were cool.

We shared food sometimes, borrowed each other’s clothes, complained about school together and occasionally stayed up late talking about relationships.

Everything was normal.

Until one night, around 2:13 a.m., she woke me up.

“Racheal.”

I opened my eyes.

“What?”

She was sitting upright on her bed.

“Did you hear that?”

I was half asleep.

“Hear what?”

She pointed toward our wardrobe.

“Someone just opened it.”

I laughed.

“Favour, please. Go back to sleep.”

“I’m serious.”

I turned over.

Then I heard it.

Click.

The wardrobe door moved slightly.

We both went silent.

Favour grabbed my arm.

“See?”

I sat up.

We stared at the wardrobe for almost a minute.

Nothing happened.

Eventually, I got up and checked.

Nobody was there.

I told her maybe the door hadn’t been properly closed.

She agreed.

But the next night, she woke me up again.

“Someone entered the room.”

This time I was irritated.

“Who?”

“I don’t know. I heard footsteps.”

“Favour, nobody entered this room.”

She insisted she wasn’t imagining it.

Three days later, she told me something even stranger.

“My biscuits are disappearing.”

I laughed.

“You’re probably eating them and forgetting.”

“I counted them.”

“Okay…”

“There were ten yesterday. Now there are six.”

I didn’t think much of it.

Until my own things started disappearing.

My perfume.

My charger.

A pair of earrings.

Small things.

Things I could easily convince myself I’d misplaced.

Then one Friday evening, I came back from class and noticed my phone was sitting on my bed.

I was sure I’d left it on the table.

I checked the screen.

Nothing.

But then I noticed something.

My phone had been unlocked.

I checked my recent apps.

WhatsApp had been opened.

Someone had gone through my messages.

My stomach dropped.

I immediately asked Favour.

She swore it wasn’t her.

And honestly, I believed her.

[Donald Edet @Primodizzy202]

That night, I couldn’t sleep.

So I placed my phone on the table and turned on the camera.

I didn’t tell Favour.

I wanted to know what was happening.

At about 2:07 a.m., I heard the door handle move.

My eyes opened.

I stayed completely still.

The door slowly opened.

Someone stepped inside.

I watched them walk toward my bed.

They stood there for a few seconds.

Then they picked up my phone.

My heart started racing.

The person turned toward the camera.

And I recognized the face.

It was someone I had never seen before.

But the strangest part?

Favour was already awake.

And when the person looked at her…

she didn’t scream.

She simply whispered,

You’re early