Professor Hank

Perpetual GSU grad student researching science communication & climate change. Comedy & pop culture junkie. UCF Alum. Recovering Florida Man.

[Professor Hank @Professor_Hank]

There's no such thing as the "unexplainable" - only the "unexplained". The difference is time, evidence, and critical thinking...

[Professor Hank @Professor_Hank]

@CFBKnights Been here since 1998. Definitely wish the program was turning around more quickly, but I always remind myself that it could be worse because this program has been much much worse.

[Professor Hank @Professor_Hank]

@SSN_UCF @CFBKnights I’ve been here since ‘98. You can’t hurt me.

[Professor Hank @Professor_Hank]

@UCFStool Oh no…it’s raining during a UCF game…

“UCF fans…”

[Professor Hank @Professor_Hank]

@KnightmarishJ The best

[Professor Hank @Professor_Hank]

@erikaswalwell @sethmeyers I’m so glad I’m not the only one.

[Professor Hank @Professor_Hank]

@TVietor08 @USMNT We’ve been told the future is bright for the USMNT since we got knocked out of the WC in 1994. When exactly should we expect it to start getting bright?

[Professor Hank @Professor_Hank]

For 32 years I’ve heard “the future of US Men’s soccer is bright” after we lose close games or, like tonight, embarrass ourselves in front of the world and I just want to know when the fuck we should expect it to be bright? Because that was a damn clown show. #USMNT #worldcup

[Ellen Carmichael @ellencarmichael]

The most interesting part of the red card saga isn't the ruling. It's how differently Americans and Europeans process the idea that they might have been wronged.

Europeans are fundamentally different from Americans in one particular way: they expect life to be aggravating and at times unfair. It's just a fact of moving through the world. I joke that in Europe, the customer is always wrong. You didn't read the fine print. The only pharmacy in town is closed every other Tuesday for three hours, and even if the times weren't posted, that's still your problem. Too bad if you want the bill, because the waiter's on his union-mandated half-hour smoke break, and you're just going to have to wait.

To quote the great Mark Knopfler: sometimes you're the windshield, sometimes you're the bug. There's something freeing in that. Things are less in your control, so there's less angst in managing your expectations.

In America, things couldn't be more different. We simply can't accept a wrong left unrighted.

The flight attendant sneezed handing you a drink on your one-hour flight? 15,000 frequent flyer miles. Didn't like your appetizer? A replacement is on the way, and the whole course comes off the bill. There's a reason our interstates are lined with trial lawyer billboards.

Europeans have turned complaining into a continental pastime with no expectation that the universe owes them a remedy for their grief. You gripe about the train being late, your friends nod solemnly and everyone goes back to their apéro. In America, we launch a full-blown investigation of the train system, sue the government (and its contractors) that allowed for the tardiness and hold a Congressional hearing on the state of national infrastructure.

So to an objective observer, the red card shouldn't have happened, and VAR was a travesty. To Americans, our star player shouldn't be unfairly banned from a match we couldn't afford to lose for a card he so obviously didn't deserve.

Who cares that FIFA used a little-used reversal to fix it. Who cares that other people are mad about it. We. Were. Wronged. It was unjust. It must be corrected. We would accept nothing less.

Europeans waxing poetic about the sanctity of the game are, of course, talking about a governing body whose last tournament host was decided via confirmed cash bribes — one that imposed dress codes on women, shrugged off widespread allegations of modern slavery and reconfigured the entire tournament calendar to suit the host country. Which is exactly the point. If you've made peace with all of that, at least enough to watch the tournament four years later, a probationary suspension isn't actually a scandal.

Maybe that's the real divide. Over millennia, Europeans have made peace with being the bug. Americans have never once considered it, and apparently, we're not about to start now.

[Alex Calabrese @amcalabrese12]

After major World Cup refereeing blunders cost the #USMNT in 2002, 2006, 2010, and 2017, it’s about time something contentious went our way.

[Ryan Hammer🔨 @ryanhammer09]

For anyone new around here…

12 years ago we player Belgium in the Round of 16 & Chris Wondolowski missed a sitter to win in the 92nd and I haven’t stopped thinking about it…

We go on to lose in extra time.
We need revenge 🇺🇸🇧🇪

[Professor Hank @Professor_Hank]

@AustinHeff This ref needs to be strapped to a rocket and fired into the sun

[Hoodlum 🇺🇸 @NotHoodlum]

“The reflecting pool is open and everyone is having a wonderful time.”

[Professor Hank @Professor_Hank]

@amazon & @UPS my front door is 500+ft from here, so your drivers either need some extra training on what a front door looks like OR they need to stop being lazy & irresponsible and actually drive down my driveway & leave it on the porch like always. This is 2 days in a row!

[Professor Hank @Professor_Hank]

@ThomasTRiddle Can’t wait for this backstory

[Professor Hank @Professor_Hank]

@CFBKnights The fact that we got 5 wins with a team that’s 50% new players that Frost had zero role in recruiting is nothing short of remarkable. Gus could only squeak out 4 wins with a roster he had 4 years to develop.

[⚔️Sidelines - UCF⚔️ @SSN_UCF]

The call from the Big 12 offices to the Officials has been made. BYU is going to be allowed to hold the rest of the game.

[Professor Hank @Professor_Hank]

@UCFStool Domercant! Get me two!

[Professor Hank @Professor_Hank]

@CFBKnights The dumbest and cruelest one

[Professor Hank @Professor_Hank]

@FedEx Do y’all have a new policy about drivers simply not driving down a perfectly good driveway to deliver a package? Because just leaving a package by the street seems like bad idea.

[Professor Hank @Professor_Hank]

@ByCASimmons We are a basketball school!