Proximoron

I write dumb shit I can't post on facebook

[Proximoron @Proximoron]

JK Rowling is Q.

[Proximoron @Proximoron]

I wish that me and Mark Hamill were homeless together and I found out he was my real dad.

[Proximoron @Proximoron]

I'd almost feel sad for the lonely side of the internet... but it's mostly weird incels and white nationalists who deserve their alienation and solitude lmao

[Proximoron @Proximoron]

Sometimes I put seaweed in my soup. It tastes good af burping it up later.

[Proximoron @Proximoron]

@2maik7 Jump in a lake ya fuckin dork. Imagine being against a protest for civil justice. Did the civil rights movements hurt your feelings too?

[Proximoron @Proximoron]

I saw a picture of a Wendy's burned down during the protest. I own stock in Wendy's. I ate Wendy's 2 days ago. I don't give a fuck that a Wendy's burned down.

[Proximoron @Proximoron]

I just spilled my whiskey and said out loud, "Ah yes, the collapse of modern civilization" This is why it makes sense I was held back in 9th grade.

[Proximoron @Proximoron]

@LeGioOchoa the absolute madlad made it

[Proximoron @Proximoron]

When I've made tweets drunk at 1:30 in the morning realizing I've only eaten hot cheetos and turkey sammich and I'll almost immediately shit myself after waking up.

[Proximoron @Proximoron]

When I actually take the time to examine my past experiences and see how little I've grown as person.

[Proximoron @Proximoron]

Jeff Goldblum putting Icy Hot on his balls:
"Mmmm mmm mmm Ahhhh Ahhh Ahhh hmmm mmm"

[Proximoron @Proximoron]

Band name: Rough Weather Friends

[Proximoron @Proximoron]

Just met a dude from Arkansas on CoD. I said I was "Arkansorry to hear that"

[Proximoron @Proximoron]

Aidan's Hand Crafted Horse Figurines. Now safe as human suppositories. We are introducing a line of splendid and wonderful line wooden horse figurine kits for the whole family, including figurine parts, assembly guide and bottle of lubrication. Find one in your local Toys"R"Us.

[Proximoron @Proximoron]

Can I just propose by burning a pile of money in front of them? Like a full two grand all in ones as a symbolic gesture of love? I mean it's no diamond but I feel like it has the same cost and sentiment, but way more punk rock. Could do this with a used car?

[Proximoron @Proximoron]

I just turned 28 and I almost shit myself yesterday.

[Proximoron @Proximoron]

Q anon is a 12d chess deepstate NWO Communist psy-op and a farce. Don't be fools. DJT is actually a satanist cabal. Kamala Harris is the true messiah ushering us into age.

[Proximoron @Proximoron]

Band name: Seven & Seven.
It's 14 members and the world's smallest ska band.

[Proximoron @Proximoron]

Band name: Hardwood and The Big Stumps

[Proximoron @Proximoron]

So Death Stranding is coming in 12 hours. I pre-order the new Need for Speed instead, because you're all losers.