Mike “Juicebox” Alstott

3 time parlay hitter, never lasted more than 7 minutes in bed, intense cuddler

[Mike “Juicebox” Alstott @PSullivan29181]

Dude leave the flag at home, no one cares you are in kappa sig #shrink

[Mike “Juicebox” Alstott @PSullivan29181]

@DeseanPackson Dude 😂😂😂

[Mike “Juicebox” Alstott @PSullivan29181]

Acquired this bad boy 6 hours ago and it has now traveled across 2 state lines with me

[Quincy “Twin” Towers @Quincyfink3rd]

Deactivating soon. Never realized how terribly I have hurt the women around me. From now on, I pledge not to wear Peter Millar and zyn. I am sorry to Maddie kowalski, you did not deserve that. Goodbye everybody.

[Mike “Juicebox” Alstott @PSullivan29181]

What state do you guys think I’m flying over right now?

[Mike “Juicebox” Alstott @PSullivan29181]

5 minutes into a 4 hour car ride and pops already turned on the republican radio station

[Mike “Juicebox” Alstott @PSullivan29181]

@wardamnbilly Piss Boner in middle of the night

[Mike “Juicebox” Alstott @PSullivan29181]

Just awful

[Mike “Juicebox” Alstott @PSullivan29181]

Either I die of an OD or I turn into a regional bar karaoke superstar

[Mike “Juicebox” Alstott @PSullivan29181]

@jitLyang21 Great minds think alike

[Mike “Juicebox” Alstott @PSullivan29181]

Some light reading

[pete “diddy” millar @fece_lord]

Toasting my pants

[Mike “Juicebox” Alstott @PSullivan29181]

Pool dox for 75 followers

[Jamarion Datesmen @JamarionDatesme]

Fuck it. One last spin before I graduate.

[Jim Brickman @steelerfanboy]

Any ball knowers? #HumbleYoungBoy

[Paul “Chum” Meacock @bigpaulchum]

“Yea bro we were snapping back and forth she’s totally into me”

[Mike “Juicebox” Alstott @PSullivan29181]

Haha I’m big Jason kelce, I’m so fat and have a big beard so I am hilarious. Despite making tens of millions of dollars I relate to the average man wow so funny

Also, garage beer is fucking disgusting

[SportsCenter @SportsCenter]

.@JasonKelce caddying for Akshay Bhatia at the Masters Par 3 Contest 😭

[Mike “Juicebox” Alstott @PSullivan29181]

Enough is enough

[Mike “Juicebox” Alstott @PSullivan29181]

Can’t teach an old dog new tricks

[Mike “Juicebox” Alstott @PSullivan29181]

@barstoolsports Yet another hypothetical for the SEC

[Mike “Juicebox” Alstott @PSullivan29181]

Maddie Kowalski subplot