Public Restroom

I have 2 stalls and 3 urinals. I don't have access to the women's restroom so don't ask, perv. I am of course a sentient being.

[Public Restroom @Public_Restroom]

Oooooh... who are these fancy pants guys? Looks like planners. What? Oh fuck yes, Planning some upgrades. Put a TV up in here you cocktards.

[Public Restroom @Public_Restroom]

Holy hell! New tenants! WTF bitches?! Let the shit and piss flow!
But keep it clean people. I ain't your mamma. Sick fucks.

[Public Restroom @Public_Restroom]

They finally did it.
They closed the fucking building down.
I'm dead.
No more traffic.
No more help.
No more lights.
Fucking economy.

[Public Restroom @Public_Restroom]

The help left a damp mop near the entrance. Everyone walking in looks like some sort of high stepping horse. Silly people.

[Public Restroom @Public_Restroom]

After clogging up a toilet some people try and fix it,
others sneak out,
and some simply take pride in owning it.

[Public Restroom @Public_Restroom]

You'd be amazed at how many things go on in here that don't involve pissing, shitting or washing hands.

[Public Restroom @Public_Restroom]

Yep. Guy taking a shit. Motion sensor lights go out. Dude starts to panic. Waving his arms like he's trapped in the mouth of a shark.

[Public Restroom @Public_Restroom]

They just installed a new motion sensor for the lights. Don't think the sensor has line of sight to a person taking a shit. Could be trouble

[Public Restroom @Public_Restroom]

There was a dude praying in stall 2 while shitting. Maybe a bad case of 'roids. Don't know. Scared the hell out of the guy in stall 1.

[Public Restroom @Public_Restroom]

The pre-squat ritual seems to be very important to some guys. Roll up some TP, wipe off the seat, lay down the ass seat guard, and squat.

[Public Restroom @Public_Restroom]

Did that guy... He did. Oh fucking gross. He sprayed his pants with the air freshener in the stall. What the hell is he trying to cover up?

[Public Restroom @Public_Restroom]

I just saw someone take a giant swirly shit. #birdhouse failed to help me turn that into a polished tweet... AGAIN.
Way to go turdhouse.

[Public Restroom @Public_Restroom]

Guy in stall number 2 didn't make it in time. What is he a 3 year old? Looks like he's on a lunch break. Do you call it a day at this point?

[Public Restroom @Public_Restroom]

The paper towel acts as a quick solution for drying AND it doubles as a germ protector for the handle snobs. Sorry air dryer, you lose.

[Public Restroom @Public_Restroom]

When one is confronted with a properly puddled urinal one is also forced to make a decision: step in it, step around it or piss elsewhere.

[Public Restroom @Public_Restroom]

Hey you drunk fuck! You're pissing all over the floor! God dammit move closer! He's just looking at it. Unbelieveable.

[Public Restroom @Public_Restroom]

@bananza , it's out of my control unfortunately. I really hope they don't as it is a source of anxiety, no paper towels, for many people.

[Public Restroom @Public_Restroom]

Little kids love my acoustics.
They get so sing songy in here.
It makes me happy.
:-)

[Public Restroom @Public_Restroom]

Well no surprise here but nobody is using the newly installed air dryer. It's sitting right next to the paper towels so no brainer, right?

[Public Restroom @Public_Restroom]

@jesus_toast , No. Those fuckers totally snubbed me because I'm supplied by Waxie and the contest is run by Cintas. Is nothing sacred?