David S. Pumpkins

Today is not the 14th of May | *ad space here*

[David S. Pumpkins @Pumpkins_Dave]

Classic millennials and their ability to use “lol” as a period lol

[David S. Pumpkins @Pumpkins_Dave]

The seven modern wonders of the world:
- Eiffel Tower
- Sagrada Família
- New LaGuardia Terminal
- Old Orchard Nandos
- Pineville Super G Mart
- T Bar
- Allegacy Federal Credit Union Stadium in Winston-Salem, North Carolina

[David S. Pumpkins @Pumpkins_Dave]

The real thing under attack: the rich and storied history of the fifa peace prize

[The Associated Press @AP]

BREAKING: President Trump says the U.S. has begun "major combat operations in Iran." Follow AP's live updates. https://t.co/wqnEZUFOM3

[Amtrak @Amtrak]

THE UNBRIDLED GREATNESS OF TRAINS WILL ENDURE FOR A MILLION YEARS

[David S. Pumpkins @Pumpkins_Dave]

please bro just a couple hundred billion more bro please i swear just ten more data centers bro just let us divert this glacial spring and deep sea mine a marine sanctuary so we can make chips bro please then you'll finally have good captions and images with only one row of teeth

[Dan Wiederer @danwiederer]

A.I. video captioning still has a ways to go. This just doesn’t have quite the same ring to it. 😂

[David S. Pumpkins @Pumpkins_Dave]

The best hangover cure is participating in democracy

[David S. Pumpkins @Pumpkins_Dave]

Not even the same crosswalk bro

[End Wokeness @EndWokeness]

Florida just erased the LGBTQ Pride Mural in Orlando

[David S. Pumpkins @Pumpkins_Dave]

Logging onto Twitter nowadays be like:

“Donald trump just SLAPPED a 60% tariff on Botswana, pardoned 3 sex offenders, and deported the entire Navajo tribe! Here is why this is another example of his genius:”

[David S. Pumpkins @Pumpkins_Dave]

And now he passes down his legacy by hazing the entire country

[Kappa Sigma @KappaSigmaHQ]

The Kappa Sigma Fraternity is proud to announce Brother J. Michael Johnson (Gamma, Louisiana State University, ‘91), the 56th Speaker of the U.S. House of Representatives, as the 2025 Kappa Sigma Man of the Year.

Brother Johnson is the 92nd member of Kappa Sigma to receive the honor, which is presented annually in recognition of extraordinary professional success and societal impact.

AEKDB and congratulations Brother Johnson!

[David S. Pumpkins @Pumpkins_Dave]

In and out of the office in 3 hours. Surgical

[David S. Pumpkins @Pumpkins_Dave]

D. Pumpkins US Open Picks:
- Ludwig Aberg
- Sepp Straka
- winning score will be better than par

[David S. Pumpkins @Pumpkins_Dave]

Second place in the Northbrook Women’s Club Annual Golf Scramble

[David S. Pumpkins @Pumpkins_Dave]

The dreaded “Ryan, how does your evening look?” ping

[David S. Pumpkins @Pumpkins_Dave]

@rfraser25 @Pringles Impressive snipe

[David S. Pumpkins @Pumpkins_Dave]

Step up your game @Pringles you’ve got some stiff competition

[David S. Pumpkins @Pumpkins_Dave]

Now is the time to empty the chamber on WebKinz. No matter who resides in the Oval Office, those bad boys can only appreciate in value

[David S. Pumpkins @Pumpkins_Dave]

Companies that I wish would go under:
- Nestle
- Burger King
- Anything Elon Musk owns
- The Green Bay Packers
- Lumon Industries
- Ticketmaster
- TurboTax
- whoever makes the upside down Dallas hat

[David S. Pumpkins @Pumpkins_Dave]

@elonmusk Human beings shouldn’t have this much money

[David S. Pumpkins @Pumpkins_Dave]

When we eventually invade greenland please start referring to me as Ryanita

[U.S. Army @USArmy]

The #USArmy will no longer allow transgender individuals to join the military and will stop performing or facilitating procedures associated with gender transition for service members.

Stay tuned for more details.

[David S. Pumpkins @Pumpkins_Dave]

@RileyKenne29877 @T3Bracketology Yes there’s a giant conspiracy to sneak 6,000 undergrad wake Forest into the ncaa tournament

[David S. Pumpkins @Pumpkins_Dave]

I agree Elon - the head of an org making millions, nay, billions of dollars is an irrefutable sign of inefficiency!