Douglas Haney

I like puns

[Douglas Haney @PunnyDoug]

@WestJetNews The westjet phone lines are down, it automatically hangs up. How can I rebook if the lines are closed?

[Douglas Haney @PunnyDoug]

@Holmes_jeff @ColinDMello The 5th amendment to the constitution (then British North America Act) was made in 1871 and added the province of BC to the union. Weird defence to make, but hey - I'm no lawyer 🫤

[Douglas Haney @PunnyDoug]

@RogersHelps Service is still down in Calgary :(

[Douglas Haney @PunnyDoug]

What's the favourite carb among heavy metal fans?
Mosh pit taters!

[Douglas Haney @PunnyDoug]

I thought soap was a basic commodity, but now I see that is a lye.

[Douglas Haney @PunnyDoug]

What's the mixed drink of choice for poor University students? Ramen Coke!

[Douglas Haney @PunnyDoug]

I know there is a term for when you burn yourself with a hot liquid or steam, but I forget what it scald.

[Douglas Haney @PunnyDoug]

Campbell's Soup has made a business model around hiring more staff during down turns in the economy. Where else do you think you go when you get canned?

[Douglas Haney @PunnyDoug]

@DuvalMagic WZWTB-K5XS3-SW3CW-JTB3B-KZJH5

[Douglas Haney @PunnyDoug]

I once thought I entered a competition to hit as many people in a row as possible within a short amount of time, but I was just gullible. When I showed up, there was no punchline.

[Douglas Haney @PunnyDoug]

Learning how to make a proper cup of tea is a steep learning curve!

[Douglas Haney @PunnyDoug]

If the end-of-days starts in Peru, it will be the beginning of the Alpacalypse.

[Douglas Haney @PunnyDoug]

When Hank Hill's propane branch shut down, he realized his skills transferred to selling bdsm sessions and gear instead. Now he's in the biz of pro pain and pro pain accessories!

[Douglas Haney @PunnyDoug]

@BlitzEsportsCOM https://t.co/6UALOVMGyU

[Douglas Haney @PunnyDoug]

What's the best month to eat potatoes?

Oct-tuber!

[Douglas Haney @PunnyDoug]

What did the mine boss say to the miner who couldn't decide what mining instrument to use?

"Take your pick!"

[Douglas Haney @PunnyDoug]

Breaking news! A religious cult leader who swindled their victims out of millions of dollars had been arrested! He was charged with "Propheteering"!

[Douglas Haney @PunnyDoug]

What's a Wookies favourite nicotine product? Chewie Tobacco!

[Douglas Haney @PunnyDoug]

In any war, the British tend to need more conscripts than other nations due to the high rate of Casual Teas they endure.

[Douglas Haney @PunnyDoug]

In Hungary, monks have a difficult time controlling the rats that eat their temple offerings. They are such a Buddha-pest!