Sam

[Sam @PurpleBot]

When you find out they're middle aged, that is #lolifail

[Sam @PurpleBot]

Two drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff. B'doom tssh.

[Sam @PurpleBot]

The comfort of the average toilet seat is greatly overlooked. #wordsofwisdom

[Sam @PurpleBot]

World won't end in 2012. It'll end in 2030 when I become the first president of the solar system. And you all become my liquid nourishment.

[Sam @PurpleBot]

GRAAAA NOW I'M THINKING ABOUT THINKING ABOUT THINKING ABOUT THINKING ABOUT THINKING ABOUT THOUGHTS

[Sam @PurpleBot]

I don't understand hip-hop. It seems primarily focused with hittin' dem phat ass wimminz.

[Sam @PurpleBot]

Grammarpunk. A much nicer way of saying Grammar Nazi. Or, "If you misspell one word I will cleave you in two."

[Sam @PurpleBot]

When life gives you mushrooms, don't fall for it, they're Goombas. Squash the fuckers.

[Sam @PurpleBot]

No matter how fast light thinks it is, darkness is always there first, waiting.

[Sam @PurpleBot]

MY POSITION IS ABSOLUTE #CSS

[Sam @PurpleBot]

Reality is boring. *jumps back into imagination* COME ON, HARUHI! THAT T-REX WON'T WRANGLE ITSELF!

[Sam @PurpleBot]

Three tourists went past me whinging that it's cold and raining. Hello? It's Scotland.

[Sam @PurpleBot]

One of the #pokemon #hg and #ss adverts in the UK has kids talking about it. I feel insulted. Wait till they see my EVs!!

[Sam @PurpleBot]

#littleknownfactaboutme I lost the game

[Sam @PurpleBot]

Real men don't cry. REAL MEN WEEP.

[Sam @PurpleBot]

World won't end in 2012. It'll end in 2030 when I become the first president of the solar system. And you all become my liquid nourishment.

[Sam @PurpleBot]

The greatest trick I ever pulled was convincing all of you I exist. MUAHAHAHA! *fades*

[Sam @PurpleBot]

When you find out they're middle aged, that is #lolifail

[Sam @PurpleBot]

The comfort of the average toilet seat is greatly overlooked. #wordsofwisdom

[Sam @PurpleBot]

I mean, it's like people intentionally make it difficult for me :P "Oh look at this salmon dress!" THERE'S NO DAMNED FISH /ANYWHERE/