I find that many women have internalised the idea that it’s a man’s job to ‘lead’ or steer a relationship, so they just wait and wait for him to define it because whenever he chooses to is the right time. They want more but are afraid to ask a simple question or start an honest conversation because they’re hoping he’ll eventually do it.
But you’re an equal participant. Clarity is something you should actively seek, not something you sit and wait on. You have every right to state what you want, ask where things are headed, and leave if the answer isn’t what you’re looking for.
Why even hand someone else that much power over your life? Stop treating yourself like a passenger in your own story. You have agency. Use it.
Many Nigerian mothers were very angry people.
This is not to make excuses for their bad behaviour, but most were unhappy in their marriages and trapped with horrible partners.
So they usually pour that anger on their daughters.
While we are discussing physical abuse, let’s not forget verbal abuse. The reason we see many young people with severe cases of low self esteem is because they had parents who made them feel absolutely worthless.
Beat children for being dyslexic,
Beat them for bedwetting,
Beat them for not having emotional intelligence, beat them for talking too loud, beat them for not talking at all, beat them saying they don’t like something, beat them for liking something.
You came into this world to be an abuser to the one group of humans who deserve the most patience and know NOTHING about social cues yet.
I’m so tired of bonding with strangers over how dysfunctional Nigeria is. It is the most guaranteed icebreaker. Your Uber driver, a random person at the store, a friend of a friend, someone seated next to you at an event… Nigeria is so draining to everyone. We are all drained.
Im gonna say something controversial: a lot of you would do stuff like this for a man but huff and puff when your parents ask you to help them write an email, letter or fill out an application
One day, every Nigerian woman will be feminist and break free of the shackles.
They will question everything and every tradition and will no longer participate in misogynistic idealogies.
I will see that day, Amen