Quinn Staats

Really good at the Cupid Shuffle

[Quinn Staats @QuinnStaats]

There was a guy named Jesus who worked at Dunkin and would give me free donuts all the time in high school. Closest to god I’ve ever felt.

[it’s just meera @meeracleshappen]

every day I wake up and say “I’m tired of this grandpa” and every day the universe says “that’s too damn bad”

[Quinn Staats @QuinnStaats]

Had to eat chipotle with a metal fork. Don’t text.

[Quinn Staats @QuinnStaats]

Duck calls are just kazoos for people who think they look good in camo

[Quinn Staats @QuinnStaats]

Never met a guy who wears Pit Viper sunglasses and is also nice to his mom

[Quinn Staats @QuinnStaats]

If you’ve ever loved me, or if you respect my right to love who I love, please vote in a way that reflects that. Your life might not depend on it, but mine and so many others does.

[Quinn Staats @QuinnStaats]

The only man I’ve ever loved is the guy on the front of Newman’s salad dressing

[Quinn Staats @QuinnStaats]

You don’t get to hang out with people who are actively and openly racist and then post about how black lives matter. That’s an oxymoron and makes you look like a regular moron.

[Quinn Staats @QuinnStaats]

I dislocated my kneecap changing a lightbulb today if it makes you feel any better

[Quinn Staats @QuinnStaats]

Carrah made mac and cheese and when I asked about why it tasted so sweet she said she ran out of milk so she used vanilla coffee creamer

[Royalty In The Rough @yellowbonemama]

Just did my own taxes, I should be in jail by friday

[Quinn Staats @QuinnStaats]

Idk why I thought 2020 was gonna be my year. I’m nearsighted

[Quinn Staats @QuinnStaats]

Not yet, but I’ll keep you posted

[Thoughts of Dog @dog_feelings]

the best thing i did. this entire decade. was love you

[Quinn Staats @QuinnStaats]

Shoutout to the guy who stole $3,000 from my bank account. I hope you’re buying your kids a pony for Christmas. Happy holidays

[Quinn Staats @QuinnStaats]

Have we ever checked Dr. Phil’s credentials or are we just gonna trust it?

[Quinn Staats @QuinnStaats]

Strobe lights hit different when you’re epileptic

[Quinn Staats @QuinnStaats]

Another year, another 5k I didn’t run

[Quinn Staats @QuinnStaats]

As a child, I thought that I had to ask my mom if she wanted to watch me swim before I got in the pool because she was super passionate about my handstands and didn’t want to miss out, not because she had to make sure I didn’t drown.

[Savannah Todd @savannah_k_todd]

petition to start calling boxing “punch wrestling”