Rachel David

[Rachel David @RADavid4]

@morganpedeliski Omg I laugh my ass off when this happens #badmomsclub 🤣🤣

[Rachel David @RADavid4]

Chopped & dyed my hair today and when my stylist mentioned that the lighter parts would turn a butterscotch color after toning, my response was “that’s my favorite flavor sooo…”🙃 like 110% not a lie but also tf is wrong with me?

[Rachel David @RADavid4]

Parenting is hands down the most psychotic thing I’ve ever experienced…and I’ve seen some shit🙃 At the same time, nothing compares to the tremendous amount of happiness those two little freaks bring to my life on the daily.

[Rachel David @RADavid4]

Plucking my eyebrows is honestly so therapeutic. I wish I had more of them, or required less therapy…either way, really.

[Rachel David @RADavid4]

@rrid49 @jackharlow The internet hated it, therefore I do not😋 I mean, dem features doe! Nothin’ not to like.

[Rachel David @RADavid4]

Unpopular opinion (apparently?):
@jackharlow’s new album is straight 🔥🔥🔥 & nothin’ but.

[Rachel David @RADavid4]

I think I can confidently declare that an (approx.) seven year cloud of depression just lifted…ok hooray! But also, what’s really going on🤨

[Rachel David @RADavid4]

I feel bad because my ice maker works double time to compensate for the amount of cubes that fall on the kitchen floor vs the amount that actually survive the journey into my water bottle.

[Rachel David @RADavid4]

@sauce_o49 And the real OGs eat ‘em one by one off of each finger tip😂

[Rachel David @RADavid4]

The person or machine responsible for the math equations on tp/paper towel packaging is fucking high…and so am I, so you’ve made this incredibly difficult for all parties involved here pal.

[Rachel David @RADavid4]

@TheEdenNass SAMESIES🥲 lurrrrv u 4eva tho

[Rachel David @RADavid4]

Sometimes I eat unbearably spicy chips, just to feel alive.

[Rachel David @RADavid4]

The way Cap’n Crunch absolutely raw dogs the f*ck outta the roof of my mouth>>>>

[Rachel David @RADavid4]

Was called an “Ice Queen” the other day for not wanting to talk to my son while he was in time out and, if nothing else, at least my lazy parenting style has blessed me with this dope ass nickname.

[Rachel David @RADavid4]

@TheEdenNass Great, we’re all idiots🙃 apparently people call them “unicorns of the sea” so that’s a little misleading…unless those mfs are real too? Then I just give up even more.

[Rachel David @RADavid4]

I thought I was of like, “average” intelligence until yesterday when I *shockingly* discovered that narwhals are actual fucking animals that exist and not claymation creatures that emerge from the ice at the North Pole in Christmas cartoons. END ME NOW.

[Rachel David @RADavid4]

In our house, we call croutons “little breads” and I highly suggest you do the same.

[Rachel David @RADavid4]

When you get my kids LEGOs for Christmas, you actually get me LEGOs for Christmas…and I high key enjoy it, so keep👏 that👏 shit👏 up👏 (please!)

[Rachel David @RADavid4]

@TheEdenNass It’s gross, right? Next time we see each other I better be coming to you…sunny and childless🤗

[Rachel David @RADavid4]

@TheEdenNass You didn’t ask the only person who did wtf🥲