Anton

[Anton @RaisinBranton]

@okayfineAndy Still trying to record a new full length, but here’s some older stuff.

https://t.co/42IroCMCHF

[Anton @RaisinBranton]

@durneel He’s got his eyes on the prize! No time to look both ways.

[Anton @RaisinBranton]

My coworker just referred to a blowjob as a “gag-gift” and I feel like that shouldn’t have been the first time I’m hearing that pun.

[Anton @RaisinBranton]

My roommate is the fucking worst at actually washing dishes. Never uses the dishwasher, just really poorly hand washes everything.
Our new roommate uses the dishwasher, but he loads it like my 4 year-old niece puts away toys.
I just can’t win, man.

[Wampler™ @ScottWamplerRIP]

After years of only hearing about it, I finally got my hands on the 5-page bodybuilding forum thread wherein a couple dudes get into a heated argument over how many days there are in a week and I am here to tell you that it is infinitely funnier than I even imagined it would be.

[Anton @RaisinBranton]

You ever get your schedule and immediately get tired? Maybe I’ll have a day off next week.

[Anton @RaisinBranton]

In all seriousness, restaurant management sucks countless dicks. I’ve been told by my higher ups that I need to delegate because I do too much. I was also told today that servers think I don’t do enough. Super cool and easy to fix.

[Anton @RaisinBranton]

Pro tip: don’t move into management in a restaurant. Its super hard tell a dude, who you’ve done hard drugs with, to sweep a bit more.

[Anton @RaisinBranton]

@MorRobots @hankgreen That is such a stupid flex, my guy.

[Anton @RaisinBranton]

@durneel No

[Anton @RaisinBranton]

Oh man! Imagine a world where everyone has a gun! Every conflict could end with someone being potentially mortally wounded! It would be great!

[Nina Turner @ninaturner]

Incredible.

[The Good Liars @TheGoodLiars]

At the march for life we talked to this lady who’s pro-life but has a pro-death flag.

[Anton @RaisinBranton]

Cutting back on alcohol is super hard when you’re in the industry. I drew a hard line on one beer and one shot. The bartender poured me a 6oz “double”. Like fuck, I’m trying.

[Anton @RaisinBranton]

I didn’t know you could do this. There is like no random shit on here anymore. I suggest the shit out this.

[Anton @RaisinBranton]

Going on dates and not getting sloppy drunk with each other is weird. I like it, but man I am brutally awkward sober.

[Jason Selvig @jasonselvig]

Groomer.

[Anton @RaisinBranton]

@alextlira @Brat_4L He was also a porn star. You know, super conservative and Mormon stuff.

[Jason Selvig @jasonselvig]

Why is Donald Trump announcing he’s running when he’s currently president?