Dave Furstenau

Rumored to have once eaten an entire poodle in 4 minutes on a drunken dare.

[Dave Furstenau @RavinDave]

You ever have that ONE fly in the house that makes buying a bazooka sound entirely reasonable?

[Dave Furstenau @RavinDave]

@ABC How much did they pay Bill Hader?

[Dave Furstenau @RavinDave]

@Rossy3xe Um ... because California is accurate.

Don't recall them ever fucking up to the point where the guy who came in 2nd wound up pResident.

[Dave Furstenau @RavinDave]

One of the funniest guys out there!

[Mike Reiss @MikeReissWriter]

My new travel book is out!
BAD TRIPS: 52 WEEKS OF WEIRD TRAVEL!
Funny stories and 100+ color photos!
https://t.co/MHZflsnVZr

[Dave Furstenau @RavinDave]

Binge-watching "The Librarian" -- the 3 TV movies and the series from 20 years ago(!) Leans toward Cheez Whiz, but executed with such sincerity, imagination, and full-goose fun that I was quickly captivated. PLUS ... if @clydekusatsu shows up, I KNOW I'm gonna love it!

[Dave Furstenau @RavinDave]

@elonmusk North Korea = Democratic People's Republic of Korea

North Korea = Democratic People's Republic of Korea

North Korea = Democratic People's Republic of Korea

Elmo ... you threw a Nazi salute in public and thrived growing up in an rabidly apartheid State. Sit the fuck down.

[Dave Furstenau @RavinDave]

@elonmusk I see money can't buy brains. Sad.

#ThankYouForYourAttentionToThisMatter.

[Dave Furstenau @RavinDave]

@MMaryasov @aklimdakalmaz @kadirmidedinsen "Iron Pyrite" is what we call it.

[Dave Furstenau @RavinDave]

@Milajoy "What/who did I miss?"

High School?

[Dave Furstenau @RavinDave]

@Milajoy It's like you think "idiocy" is an Olympic event and you've spent your entire life training for the gold.

[Dave Furstenau @RavinDave]

My online pal, @MikeReissWriter actually saw the #Titanic in that mini-sub-thingie that imploded. He shrugged it off. Didn't even note the 114th anniversary of the sinking yesterday. If that was me, I'd still be locked in a closet in a fetal ball guzzling high-balls.

[Dave Furstenau @RavinDave]

@elonmusk There is nothing -- absolutely nothing -- in your history to suggest that "freedom of speech" is anything more than a buzzword to you. You are alien to most all American virtues and beliefs. You just parrot them to make your self-serving greed sound noble. #Elon

[Dave Furstenau @RavinDave]

@MattWallace888 I look at this and those bright red steps and imagine it's tЯump's soul descending down into Hell.

[Dave Furstenau @RavinDave]

@BoLoudon Every 3-Card Monte dealer knows to let his mark win a few hands. That's all President Pantload's doing.

Want an honest tally? Check his stock portfolio every time he makes some batshit crazy announcement sending markets into freefall or imposes tariffs on a targeted sector.

[Min Choi @minchoi]

If you think AI video can't be funny then explain this. 😹

[Norm Macdonald Joke of the Day @NormSNLJokes]

There's a new twenty-four hour channel, it's called The Golf Channel. It shows golf twenty-four hours a day.

Except for between 2 A.M. and 3 A.M., when it shows The Byron Allen Show.

[Dave Furstenau @RavinDave]

@Milajoy "love of country'??? Which one?

[Dave Furstenau @RavinDave]

@DUsiora54373 @uramenyera But the pig *would* have reacted the same way, if this weren't faked with AI.

They have the same taste receptors.

If you grew peppers, you'd know that the only serious threats to the plants are insects and birds.

[Dave Furstenau @RavinDave]

@RealHickory Yeah! And how devious of them to go back in time to print a fake birth announcement in the local newspaper.

[Dave Furstenau @RavinDave]

@Jeremybtc A better question is: Why isn't it trending?

True or false (I take no position) it's a legitimate topic that seems to be "suppressed" on Twitter. Plenty of posts -- but no "trends"???

So much for @elonmusk 's BS claim of "free speech", eh?

[Dave Furstenau @RavinDave]

@mirandamelendy @vladlobachevsk2 @greg_price11 [Cont'd2] From a legalistic point of view they were members of a SOVEREIGN nation outside that jurisdiction.

[Dave Furstenau @RavinDave]

@mirandamelendy @vladlobachevsk2 @greg_price11 [Cont'd] Try reading the Constitution instead of wrapping yourself in it. "All persons born or naturalized in the United States, AND SUBJECT TO THE JURISDICTION THEREOF, are citizens of the United States and of the state wherein they reside." [Cont'd2]