Cole Dennis

I've been called the songbird of this generation.

[Cole Dennis @Real_BenAffleck]

If life is a highway then I'm an elderly, vaguely European woman driving a Volkswagen Beetle asking directions from gas station employees.

[Cole Dennis @Real_BenAffleck]

Should I reactivate my Twitter!?!?!?!?!?

[Cole Dennis @Real_BenAffleck]

@larsirl I said the same thing to my philosophy prof and she didn't buy it either.

[Bernie Thoughts @berniethoughts]

A CAR IS JUST A FAST ROOM

[Cole Dennis @Real_BenAffleck]

@maddiejohnson3 I know! I don't know what humanity did to deserve Nick Offerman.

[Cole Dennis @Real_BenAffleck]

Amidst award confusion, Mel Gibson runs on stage holding crayons and an impromptu cutout envelope which reads, "Its Hacksaw, Daddio!"

[Cole Dennis @Real_BenAffleck]

Could I get a shoutout? I don't really have a reason. It has just been a sort of a meh week and it's only Wednesday. @Lin_Manuel

[John Patrick Shanley @JohnJpshanley]

The reason that everybody watches the Super Bowl is that everybody watches the Super Bowl.

[Cole Dennis @Real_BenAffleck]

@nathanweili ya #trounced

[Dean Penner @absolutedeanius]

If you have a Christmas playlist but there is no Michael Buble or Pentatonix, is it really a Christmas playlist?

[Cole Dennis @Real_BenAffleck]

Just woke up in a cold sweat realizing that Ron Swanson and Duke Silver from Parks and Rec are basically Hannah Montana and Miley Stewart.

[Cole Dennis @Real_BenAffleck]

Should I get a haircut for an office job or keep it growing to transcend humanity and evolve into a hairy artistic forest dweller?

[Cole Dennis @Real_BenAffleck]

History has been made. #FlyTheW

[Cole Dennis @Real_BenAffleck]

Becoming an adult is claiming an old lady's fart around a crowd even if there are pretty girls so she doesn't get embarrassed.

[John Stossel @JohnStossel]

As I would not be a slave, so I would not be a master. This expresses my idea of democracy. --Abraham Lincoln,

[Cole Dennis @Real_BenAffleck]

"You have two minutes"

[laney @daftlaney]

donald trump: I didn't say that

the internet:

[ClickHole @ClickHole]

As An Elementary School Teacher, It’s My Job To Fight And Defeat The Largest Child In My Class https://t.co/hjrbms5qnH

[Cole Dennis @Real_BenAffleck]

@mrbwelch unless they're not reformed.

[Cole Dennis @Real_BenAffleck]

@mrbwelch is a scholar and a saint