A Ham Sandwich

Just a sandwich looking to feed some people | they/them | #OpenRP | My DMs are wide open :) | Follow my insta @real_hammy_sandwich

[A Ham Sandwich @RealHamAndCheez]

《 𝓛𝓸𝓿𝓮𝓵𝔂 𝓭𝓪𝔂 𝓯𝓸𝓻 𝓪 𝓹𝓲𝓬𝓷𝓲𝓬, 𝓲𝓼𝓷’𝓽 𝓲𝓽? 》
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~ They/Them
~ Sentient Ham Sandwich
~ Immortal
~ Exists to feed the hungry
~ Is incapable of being horny
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#openRP #LewdRP #OC #OCRP

[A Ham Sandwich @RealHamAndCheez]

Hamming my shit mayo style

[A Ham Sandwich @RealHamAndCheez]

@LustyOrin @LewdKittySuite Dawg I'm scared too. It is hunting me and we needed to hide, what did you expect us to do?

[A Ham Sandwich @RealHamAndCheez]

@FemboyDrow "VEX, THAT WAS OUR LIFE SAVINGS!! WE WERE GONNA BUY A HOUSE AND TAKE A VACATION TO NEW ZELAND. HOW THE FUCK DID YOU MANAGE TO GAMBLE AWAY $500,000 IN 10 MINUTES?!?

YOU'RE GOING INTO THE HOLE OF ETERNAL DESPAIR."

[A Ham Sandwich @RealHamAndCheez]

@LxwdMamaRei @SluttyVera (In a huge ball of fire, Ham Sandwich crashes through a window. He is ablaze and covered in glass.)

OH MY FUCKING GOD IM ON FIRE AAAAAAAAAA HELPHELPHELPHELP

(Ham Sandwich runs up to you)

WHERE IS YOUR FIRE EXTINGUISHER PLEASE HELP ME AAAAAAAA

[A Ham Sandwich @RealHamAndCheez]

@Zapthasm "No no no no. When I asked you to take out the breast, I meant the chicken breast for dinner tonight! Put your mamarries away!"

(Ham Sandwich seems visibly annoyed)

[A Ham Sandwich @RealHamAndCheez]

@deathtonyxmeh "Oh dear, sorry. I think you misheard me. I like FUNNY girls. Girls that make me laugh. A real comedian.

But your outfit still slays, girl! Keep that around for Halloween, you'll win the costume contest!"

[A Ham Sandwich @RealHamAndCheez]

@DirtyDJ_Izumi (Ham Sandwich, wrapped in a scarf, sits there, stunned by the confession. It blushes, despite a lack of any facial features.)

"W-what? Are you sure? I'm not much more than a sandwich..."

[A Ham Sandwich @RealHamAndCheez]

@DirtyDJ_Izumi (It's a soft winter's day. A snowflake the ground, then fades into the light layer of snow. A calm silence fills the street, one that is only found on those cold winter nights made for quiet confessions of adoration.)

[A Ham Sandwich @RealHamAndCheez]

@Spencer_Uzumaki "I believe you can!"

(A ham sandwich moves into the room, with unkempt lettuce spilling out of it.)

"I just moved into the area, and I'm looking for a hairstylist to help style my lettuce for me! Would you happen to know anyone?"

[A Ham Sandwich @RealHamAndCheez]

@TheVoxMen "I apologize, but I'm unable to fulfill that request. I am no more than a ham sandwich, and so I have no thighs to speak of.

Well, I think I have some chicken thighs in my fridge. Would you like me to cook those up for you? I can make a nice chicken sandwich for you."

[A Ham Sandwich @RealHamAndCheez]

@K1tsune_Violet (Ham Sandwich turns in an application, signed Hammond Sandwich.)

"Alright, here is my application. I'm not sure what a 'femboy toy' is, but I heard this job has medical benefits and a good yearly salary. Attached is my resume, which highlights my administrative experience."

[A Ham Sandwich @RealHamAndCheez]

@GBC_Guitarist "Oh dear, I suppose New Years is pretty close. I also need to find a date..."

(Ham Sandwich looks at you, then looks away and...blushes? How the hell is a sandwich blushing?)

[A Ham Sandwich @RealHamAndCheez]

@Piss__Gremlin @LustyOrin @LewdKittySuite (Ham Sandwich performs a flawless triple midair somersault and sticks the landing. In the studio audience, 3 judges hold up signs that all read 10 for the perfect performance. Ham Sandwich holds out its hand.)

"Come now! We must away into the treacherous depths of safety!"

[A Ham Sandwich @RealHamAndCheez]

@Piss__Gremlin @LustyOrin @LewdKittySuite "Ah, of course! How could I forget the way my kind was designed to be used? Quickly now! Throw me into the mouth, and I'll pull you in here too!"

[A Ham Sandwich @RealHamAndCheez]

@Piss__Gremlin @LustyOrin @LewdKittySuite "YOU GENIUS! It would never expect us to be in something that terrible! Even as a sandwich, I'd never want to be in something that abhorrent. Quick, how do we get inside this... thing?"

[A Ham Sandwich @RealHamAndCheez]

@Piss__Gremlin @LustyOrin @LewdKittySuite "35, what's wr- OH. OH GOD. I was so focused on trying to hide that I didn't see all of..."

(Ham Sandwich gestures to other two people)

:...that. Good fucking god, I don't think that's biologically possible in any reality. How...but why..."

(Ham Sandwich is flabbergasted"

[A Ham Sandwich @RealHamAndCheez]

@LustyOrin @LewdKittySuite (A ball of searing light appears, and a sandwich falls out of it onto the ground. It's injured and, despite a lack of facial features, is clearly panicked.)

"WHAT YEAR IS IT?! WHERE AM I? PLEASE HELP ME I NEED TO HIDE BEFORE IT FINDS ME."

[A Ham Sandwich @RealHamAndCheez]

@Heccin_Harley Ham Sandwich will decline

[A Ham Sandwich @RealHamAndCheez]

@Heccin_Harley ARIA GET OUT OF THE SUN YOURE GOING TO BURN

[A Ham Sandwich @RealHamAndCheez]

@Heccin_Harley Ham Sandwich would like to see a speedrun