Mark Kozelek

[Mark Kozelek @RealMarkKozelek]

Drove past my old elementary school today except it wasn’t a school anymore, it was a sinkhole 50 feet wide. I guess now I can admit that I always had a crush on Mrs. Toolsey. She’s probably at the bottom of that sinkhole right now without service so she’ll likely never see this.

[Mark Kozelek @RealMarkKozelek]

Whenever I release new music, I like to do a ritual where I eat cookies and cream ice cream in my bathtub and cry

[Mark Kozelek @RealMarkKozelek]

When I was a kid growing up in Ohio, I used to sit by the train tracks and throw things at the passing trains. One time, it threw something back. Very peculiar.

[Mark Kozelek @RealMarkKozelek]

My nephew refers to it as this, not me.

[Mark Kozelek @RealMarkKozelek]

Me at 11:59 on September 30: the hurting never ends

Me at 12:00 on October 1: spoopy season is upon us!

[Mark Kozelek @RealMarkKozelek]

I just received a phone call from “Borger, TX”.

[Mark Kozelek @RealMarkKozelek]

I park in the handicapped spots sometimes because I think it’s a little bit funny

[Mark Kozelek @RealMarkKozelek]

When I was a kid, I thought putting my thumb in my mouth and blowing would make my eyes pop out of my head. Now, I know better than to think such pleasant, happy thoughts.

[Mark Kozelek @RealMarkKozelek]

I’m at the horseshoe casino in Hammond, Indiana and I’m thinking about my guitar
The one I lost in 1999–she couldn’t have gone very far
“Ring-ring” goes the slot machine whistle while I ponder under the eaves
“She’s got to be in that forest preserve sitting under those leaves!”

[Mark Kozelek @RealMarkKozelek]

Opened a beer and AI-ed myself as a swashbuckling pirate. America, you beast, you used to call for me! You invited me into your tomb and now this man has no parrot by his side nor sail at his grasp. You sent for me, Lady Liberty. Now I cry at your feet and let the 5G betray me.

[Mark Kozelek @RealMarkKozelek]

Are all parts of a drumset named after sea creatures? Crash (wave), Ride (surfboard), Bass (sea), Tom (my fishing buddy Tom). Send tweet

[Mark Kozelek @RealMarkKozelek]

Sometimes I wish I got my song ideas through a terrifying hockey puck-esque module implanted between my eyes. Other times I wish I never got them at all.

[Mark Kozelek @RealMarkKozelek]

Woke up screaming for the third time this week. Think I was dreaming about the tall skeleton guy from Nightmares For Christmas again.

[Mark Kozelek @RealMarkKozelek]

The crow cackles at me. I walk to the farmer’s stand to buy two tomatoes, I throw them at the crow, and they skewer onto his beak. I buy two more tomatoes and they skewer onto his beak again. I lost $9 but now he can’t cackle at me anymore. I will try this trick on my mother now.

[Mark Kozelek @RealMarkKozelek]

I just want you to like me, so just like me! Just like me!

[Mark Kozelek @RealMarkKozelek]

The lincoln summer sales event ripped off my Perils from the Sea album cover. They thought I wouldn’t notice, but my eyes shine like lighthouse beacons across the twisted waves that swallowed a great many seafaring men. My ears miss nary a sound but the smallest steps of insects.

[Mark Kozelek @RealMarkKozelek]

I wonder if Charli xcx knows I exist. Probably not. Maybe in another life I could be her father instead! I am scum I am scum.

[Mark Kozelek @RealMarkKozelek]

Somehow someone attached a photo to my post. Delete tweet. Delete tweet

[Mark Kozelek @RealMarkKozelek]

I remember just a few years ago, they were selling records for 15 bucks each. I would leave the store with stacks! Nowadays, it seems like everything good is $30 at least, and they only ever sell the crappy stuff nobody wants at that price.

[Mark Kozelek @RealMarkKozelek]

I spit that other shit, “that’s a nice motherfucker” shit.