Redkat5000

[Redkat5000 @Redkat5000]

Hello 911? Someone used a fork in my creamy peanut butter.

[Redkat5000 @Redkat5000]

https://t.co/dTSQ28QM0o

[Redkat5000 @Redkat5000]

@emily_tweets

[.:RiotGrlErin:. @RiotGrlErin]

adele: but i set fire to the rain

salem witch trials: that’s kind of why we’re here

[Nayele18 @nayele18maybe]

Is being dead inside a hobby?

[Eka Bakie @EkaBakie]

Dudes, idk if you knew this but women like when you wear grey sweatpants because they can see the outline of your wiener. Stay safe out there, kings

[Nayele18 @nayele18maybe]

Find someone who will treat you like a lady and hold the medicine cabinet door open for you

[Redkat5000 @Redkat5000]

Such a lonely day and it's mine.

[Redkat5000 @Redkat5000]

@vzmercogliano LGR!!

[Vince Z. Mercogliano @vzmercogliano]

Kreider cleans up a rebound and backhands it in to put the #NYR on top, 3-2, with 12:39 remaining in the second period.

[Brunette Bohemian @Jane_Doe82]

Rest in peace, Val ❤️

[Redkat5000 @Redkat5000]

@Jane_Doe82 That line was so badass

[Redkat5000 @Redkat5000]

@ToolGirl18 Thunderstorm white noise is the best for sleeping.

[Redkat5000 @Redkat5000]

@nayele18maybe I'll take one hit me over the head with a shovel please.

[Nayele18 @nayele18maybe]

Cute first date idea: hit me over the head with a shovel

[Redkat5000 @Redkat5000]

@HumansNoContext Works every time

[𝘾𝙚𝙧𝙧𝙖 @Cerra__]

If women ran the world, there would be more stay at home dads.

[Redkat5000 @Redkat5000]

@Cerra__ I think quality of life would go way way up if more women were in charge.

[big honkin caboose @itsbighonkin]

I had a really fun set telling a lot of new jokes last night and then I went dancing with my friends and my bf ( :