Hi, I’m Regis..

“iM oBnOxiOuS” - Obnoxious Fish, Finding Nemo (2004)

[Hi, I’m Regis.. @RegisDudley]

My girlfriend thought my acne was freckles. That’s the kind of benefit of the doubt I have only dreamt of

[Hi, I’m Regis.. @RegisDudley]

@bectoast I love Bo Burnham but it was a lot more difficult for me to make it through this special. Not in a bad way but I had to break it up a few times throughout the viewing

[Hi, I’m Regis.. @RegisDudley]

@itslizhowell Ryan Reynolds does that to us all

[Hi, I’m Regis.. @RegisDudley]

@itslizhowell Loophole: Mama Mia doesn’t count as a musical as much as it counts as a cinema masterpiece.

[Hi, I’m Regis.. @RegisDudley]

Why is a crepe half the batter for double the cost?

[Hi, I’m Regis.. @RegisDudley]

My girlfriend is a rocket scientist but also I ironically likes Denny’s. So the intelligence levels cancel out

[Hi, I’m Regis.. @RegisDudley]

The jazz choking harder than a first timer at the casting couch

[Hi, I’m Regis.. @RegisDudley]

“Strike me dead” - an emo themed bowling alley

[Hi, I’m Regis.. @RegisDudley]

@jacasiegel I am currently struggling to land a job - and this was a kind reminder. Big cheers to this

[Hi, I’m Regis.. @RegisDudley]

If you can’t change video playback speeds, then you’re a terrorist. I’m positive that’s the UN consensus

[Hi, I’m Regis.. @RegisDudley]

A random tenant opened their door and called me a “lil bitch” this morning. Not sure why but it was a good judgement call on her end tbh

[Hi, I’m Regis.. @RegisDudley]

California with its 0 stars and max-strength light pollution is really pretty in its own way

[Hi, I’m Regis.. @RegisDudley]

The Mormons won’t let me even pretend I can unsubscribe from their ads

[Hi, I’m Regis.. @RegisDudley]

Simone Biles did a routine to Tokyo Drift?? She’s the people’s champ.

[Hi, I’m Regis.. @RegisDudley]

The Little Red Hen is a farmyard superhero and all but oh my god is she passive-aggressive

[Hi, I’m Regis.. @RegisDudley]

I go from clean shaven Regis to homeless RDJ real quick

[Hi, I’m Regis.. @RegisDudley]

@itslizhowell Which is dyslexic for Witney

[Hi, I’m Regis.. @RegisDudley]

@elizardd I’ve had absolutely 0 success with 2 different online therapy companies :(( best of luck that they’ll work for you

[Hi, I’m Regis.. @RegisDudley]

@aerospaceslut It seems to be a prerequisite tbh

[Hi, I’m Regis.. @RegisDudley]

Watched a Buddhist monk do a Reddit stream lecture today.

This internet thing is kind of cool