Two years ago this Tuesday, I checked into rehab.
There’s no lonelier moment than that first night in detox. You’re alone in a room that’s not yours, in a place you don’t want to be, wondering how your life got this far off track. Your hands are shaking. Your stomach’s in knots. The silence around you is deafening, but your mind won’t shut up. That was me — June 10th, 2023.
I still remember sitting there and writing a letter to myself, even though my hands could barely hold the pen. I was raw, scared, angry, and ashamed. I wrote:
“How the hell did I let myself get this bad? I never thought I would let this happen.”
The truth is, I hadn’t planned to go to rehab. Not really. But about three weeks earlier, Ashley — who works with me — came up to me while we were on the clock. She was crying. She said, “I really don’t want you to die.” And hearing her say that… something cracked in me. I didn’t change right away, but I couldn’t un-hear those words either.
That weekend, I drank harder than usual. Andrew and Matt came over — guys who had been close to me for years. We were just hanging out, but I ended up telling Andrew something that could’ve ruined me — something I gave him permission to use against me if I didn’t go get help. I was reckless. I didn’t think I’d follow through. But something must have shifted, because a few weeks later, I was on the road to detox.
Before I left, I looked at Delilah — my dog, my girl, my anchor. I’d had her for over a decade. She’d been with me through everything: the chaos, the quiet, the hangovers, the heartbreaks. That morning, she looked at me like she knew. I swear, she held on long enough to see me get better. She passed from cancer less than a year later, but that bond between us? It hasn’t gone anywhere. There will never be another like her.
The drive to rehab was heavy. I rode with my parents. On the way, my aunt called me crying — not just emotional, but crying. That hit me hard. I had no idea how many people were silently carrying hope for me. When I checked in, the messages started pouring in. People I hadn’t heard from in years. Family. Friends. People who knew. People who didn’t. Everyone just wanted me to get better.
But none of that made the detox room any less cold. I sat there feeling like the smallest version of myself. That same letter I had started, I ended it with this line:
“I really don’t want to be here, but I have to. For me.”
That sentence changed everything. I didn’t know it at the time, but I had finally chosen myself.
From Knoxville Recovery Center to East Coast Recovery Center, I kept moving forward. I met people who understood me without judgment. I sat in rooms and listened to stories that mirrored mine in ways I never thought possible. I learned how to face things instead of run from them. And little by little, I started to believe I could actually do this.
These past two years haven’t been perfect. I’ve had tough days. I’ve had moments where I doubted everything. But through it all, I’ve stayed sober. And that’s something no one can take away from me.
I’ve learned that recovery isn’t just about putting down the drink. It’s about learning how to live. It’s about remembering what matters. It’s about letting go of who you thought you had to be, and becoming someone you can be proud of — one day at a time.
If you’re struggling and you’re reading this… I get it. I know that feeling of being too far gone, of believing no one understands, of thinking there’s no way out. But I’m telling you, there is. If I can come back from where I was, so can you. All it takes is that one decision — even if your hands are shaking when you make it.
Tuesday makes two years.
I’m still here.
I’m still sober.
And I’m just getting started.
#Recovery #Sober #Sobriety #AddictionRecovery #SoberLife #Monday #MondayMotivation
@Scrap_a_lot@Edwrds21@dseanmac@ChampRDS It’s because here in the states we don’t hear anything about the way it is in other countries (I learned when I started using a vpn). For just paramount that’s a very good number.
@Zimplifyze@ApplesClubs I downloaded it as soon as it became available and got the Siri right away. I’m stuck indexing though, but I do have a lot saved
@J_dev363@GuptaSarth23355 It’s honestly worth the wait. It’s like GPT without the personality and extremely convenient. It’s going to shock you with what it’s able to gather about you in a good way.