Matt Roark

Appalachian American. Whiteboy. Lawyer. Baby daddy. Insufferable hubby.

Go Braves.
Go Panthers.
Lord help the Vols.

IG: roarkusmaximus
SC: crackavelli

[Umpire Auditor @UmpireAuditor]

#WorldSeries Game 3 Umpire Report #Astros #Braves

Umpire: Tom Hallion
Correct call percentage: 92.3%
Total misses: 10
Calls helping Astros: 6

Worst calls: A ball to Yordan Alvarez on a pitch that went right down the middle and a strike to Austin Riley that missed by 2.75 in.

[Santa Decides @SantaDecides]

@LoganPaul @FloydMayweather Whether you like or hate Logan Paul, if he won it would break the internet and we all wanna see the internet broken.

[Matt Roark @RoarkusMaximus]

This is definitely going in my will! Prince's ashes to be displayed marking 5th year of his death
https://t.co/177MMWgD41

[Jose Canseco @JoseCanseco]

Happy New Year to everyone except a rod

[Matt Roark @RoarkusMaximus]

@CamNewton hey man, I just seen your commercial. does that downy defy fix collars that are already baconed-up?

[Matt Roark @RoarkusMaximus]

@billburr Let's go finish those TPS reports! I love it. #OfficeSpace

[Matt Roark @RoarkusMaximus]

Drinking George Dickel and Mountain Dew and putting Carter County by-God Tennessee on my back!

[Alaric Klinghard @klingharda]

This is how I putt. Right @darrin_boman ?

[Matt Roark @RoarkusMaximus]

@klingharda @MikeMinyard Hamels can eat a dick

[Matt Roark @RoarkusMaximus]

@_chelsiepaige_ I ain't one to talk trash about dessert, but ugh...

[Matt Roark @RoarkusMaximus]

@RileysRakes

[Matt Roark @RoarkusMaximus]

@nd4668 No one likes him anyway

[Lori Roark @RoarkReads]

I believe that Max Fried has a doppelgänger in Dean Unglert (from Bachelor in Paradise).

[Lori Roark @RoarkReads]

Why I love and hate Dystopian novels: they’re too true!! Loving Scythe but it’s a little eerie...

[Matt Roark @RoarkusMaximus]

@drenuf

[Matt Roark @RoarkusMaximus]

@denimbadboy @_chelsiepaige_ Lay vs. Lie

[Matt Roark @RoarkusMaximus]

https://t.co/0GJicF80mY

[B/R Walk-Off @BRWalkoff]

Nick Markakis had Dickerson guessing before getting him out on the fielders choice 👀 https://t.co/jNdpRxnl9E

[Matt Roark @RoarkusMaximus]

@_chelsiepaige_ As an English teacher-turned-prosecuting attorney, stuff like this deserves jail time

[RiFF RAFF / DALE DAN TONY / JODY HiGHROLLER @JODYHiGHROLLER]

YALL SHOULD HAVE A FREESTYLE BATTLE. WiNNER GETS TO BE PRESiDENT 🇺🇸 @realDonaldTrump @JoeBiden

[Matt Roark @RoarkusMaximus]

@JODYHiGHROLLER Did I go hard enough to be a #NeonIcon?