Robert Ingraham

My life is a blur(b)

[Robert Ingraham @RobertIngraham]

Soderbergh: *places whiffle ball on tee*

Academy: *looks confused, eats ball*

#oscars

[Robert Ingraham @RobertIngraham]

@TheOnion @andrew__grace

[Robert Ingraham @RobertIngraham]

@mikemchargue Yup, I’ve still been able to take in audio books, but reading actual books feels like force feeding ever since spring. Haven’t even been trying anymore since early summer.

[Robert Ingraham @RobertIngraham]

If you had told me in January that in a few months I’d be locked in my house, spraying every package that arrives with copious amounts of sanitizer, I’d have said “Yeah that sounds about right for the trajectory of my neurosis.”

[Robert Ingraham @RobertIngraham]

At this point in the bubonic plague Shakespeare had already finished a draft of king Lear, realphabetized his album collection, mastered pan-seared mutton, become proficient at the bassoon, and reportedly had a rough blueprint for something resembling a hoverboard.

[🅂🄲🄷🄽🄸🄳🄴 @schnd]

my teenage daughter edited together a version of trump's address with only heavy breathing moments and I honestly don't think I've ever been prouder of her

parental discretion advised

@dyl_seidel

[Robert Ingraham @RobertIngraham]

Oscars night

[Robert Ingraham @RobertIngraham]

What if we’re God’s video game, and God’s mom is like “Goooooddyyyy, diiiiinnerrr!” and he’s just kinda rushing to wrap it up at this point

[Robert Ingraham @RobertIngraham]

If I were ever stuck on a desert island, I would just try to record something and that would guarantee a helicopter would fly by to ruin my recording. Boom. Rescued.

[Robert Ingraham @RobertIngraham]

@patrickhwillems I’m just waiting for an excuse to rewatch it (again).

[Robert Ingraham @RobertIngraham]

Do you think this is the face Palpatine makes when he’s raw doggin’?

[Cozy Josie Campbell @CozyJamble]

Seeing a lot of reviews of Cats that are like, “Cats: Horny Abomination” and “Cats: Weirdest Musical Ever” and I’m here to tell you that you're all COWARDS because the weirdest Andrew Lloyd Webber musical is Starlight Express and it is your goddamn right to know about it! (1/?)

[Robert Ingraham @RobertIngraham]

Immediately after RISE OF SKYWALKER, I went to a friend’s burlesque show where I saw a woman dressed as Jesus do a strip tease to Prince’s “I Would Die 4 U.”

One was a blasphemous bastardization of my spiritual tradition, and the other was a strip tease.

[Robert Ingraham @RobertIngraham]

Looking everywhere for your AirPods and finding them in your ears is the millennial version of sunglasses on the head.

[Robert Ingraham @RobertIngraham]

After 4 years away from Twitter, I redownloaded the app because I heard there are some pretty good baby yoda memes on here.

[Robert Ingraham @RobertIngraham]

Driving extra carefully today bc I rly don't wanna die before star wars