Ron McElfresh

Nice guy. Slow learner.

[Ron McElfresh @RonMcElfresh]

Working on a chronology of my two-year ongoing battle with ALS. About halfway. More to com...

[Ron McElfresh @RonMcElfresh]

Some people won’t shake hands because of the Coronavirus. I won’t shake hands because everyone seems to be out of toilet paper.

[Ron McElfresh @RonMcElfresh]

Kind Words — The Last Update On Our Favorite Mac User | Mac360 https://t.co/M6hwYUTd64

[Ron McElfresh @RonMcElfresh]

Sometimes I mess with SparklyAnne and hide her stuff where she can’t find it.

I put her glasses on the table, her phone in the table, her keys on the table. And help her look.

[Ron McElfresh @RonMcElfresh]

@counternotions Infinity!

[Ron McElfresh @RonMcElfresh]

I convinced our grandkids that Dark Chocolate Oreos are spicy hot and will burn their tongues.

There’s gotta be an award for that.

[Ron McElfresh @RonMcElfresh]

My wife told me she hides all the snacks from me so she can put them out whenever guests come over to visit— if you were wondering why I invited all of you here tonight.

[Ron McElfresh @RonMcElfresh]

Feeling worse. Decided to binge nap.

[Ron McElfresh @RonMcElfresh]

Occasionally, my wife and I just start dancing; kitchen, bedroom, living room. We don’t even need music because the sound of our joints popping and cracking had its own beat and melody. I’m the beat. She’s the melody.

[Ron McElfresh @RonMcElfresh]

One of my fondest memories from childhood is thinking that $5 was a lot of money. Have you seen the prices at McDonald’s?

[Ron McElfresh @RonMcElfresh]

Pasta at Macaroni Grill is just a convoluted delivery system so SparklyAnne can eat half a pound of Parmesan cheese.

[Ron McElfresh @RonMcElfresh]

Me: “Hey, SparklyAnne! Do you want a Rit?”

SparklyAnne: “A what?”

Me: “A Rit.” *holding up a single Ritz cracker*

[Ron McElfresh @RonMcElfresh]

Me: My wife sent me a text message and a photo while shopping at the Mall and trying on dresses.

Wife: “Does this dress make me look fat?”

Me: I typed in ‘Noooo’. iPhone’s autocorrect took over and changed it to ‘Moooo.’

Anybody got a place I can crash for a couple of days?

[Ron McElfresh @RonMcElfresh]

Me: “Hey, I’m building a time machine.”

SparklyAnne: *eating last piece of chocolate cake* “What’ll you use it for, honey?”

Me: *eating last piece of chocolate cake* “Righting all the wrongs in the world.” 😉

[Ron McElfresh @RonMcElfresh]

When my wife gets me upset I look at her through a fork and pretend she’s in jail. It helps for awhile. The dishwasher spoils everything.

[Ron McElfresh @RonMcElfresh]

I had a beard once. It didn’t matter. I realized that people with beards are just people without beards, but with beards.

[Anton Chivchalov @Chivchalov]

Vandal sentenced to 11 months probation and $1400 fine for damaging a Kingdom Hall of Jehovah's Witnesses in Izhevsk, Russia last year: https://t.co/uJQiE9sEdf #jwrussia #StopJWBan

[Ron McElfresh @RonMcElfresh]

SparklyAnne is due home at 5:00 and that’s when we begin our daily passive aggressive battle about which one of us has the most reasons to be tired.

[Ron McElfresh @RonMcElfresh]

It’s so easy to fall asleep on a sofa until you really want to fall asleep on a sofa,

[Ron McElfresh @RonMcElfresh]

Anxiety is nothing more than your own conspiracy theories about yourself.