Burgess Meredith

I know a joke or two

[Burgess Meredith @RubbieQuickle]

My name is Cardi B. The B stands for Beatrice. Except I don't like Beatrice. I just like B and that's all.

[Burgess Meredith @RubbieQuickle]

Pretending to be asleep when the plane lands so the pilot will carry me out

[Burgess Meredith @RubbieQuickle]

Most normal Seattle citizen

[Burgess Meredith @RubbieQuickle]

Would you still love me if I ate a gusher and my head turned into a giant raspberry?

[Burgess Meredith @RubbieQuickle]

She's so hot, she could gaslight me and I'd apologize

[Burgess Meredith @RubbieQuickle]

Helen Keller doesn't seem like she was a very observant person

[Burgess Meredith @RubbieQuickle]

JFK was actually assassinated for being too silly goofy

[Burgess Meredith @RubbieQuickle]

If it ain't broke, make it worse

[Burgess Meredith @RubbieQuickle]

Me n the kiddo

[SAM VSO Union @samvsounion]

We won!!! First official union at Seattle Art Museum!

[Burgess Meredith @RubbieQuickle]

Bruh wtf this is why no one uses Snapchat anymore

[Burgess Meredith @RubbieQuickle]

What if I have the soap cilantro gene and I just like the taste of soap???

[Burgess Meredith @RubbieQuickle]

@ryanthebowman @emilyehwood @hadleyworking I can't BEE-lieve what I stumbled into

[Burgess Meredith @RubbieQuickle]

@manicpxldream Yes and I hate it and it's pointless

[Burgess Meredith @RubbieQuickle]

@manicpxldream Ohhhh I woke up today extra tired and now I know why

[Burgess Meredith @RubbieQuickle]

I don't grind for money. I grind for serotonin

[Burgess Meredith @RubbieQuickle]

Honestly pissed that the 2002 live action Scooby Doo has a rating of only 30% on rotten tomatoes

[Burgess Meredith @RubbieQuickle]

@Emwood6 Do it. I got plenty of gum

[Burgess Meredith @RubbieQuickle]

@Emwood6 You should join them

[Burgess Meredith @RubbieQuickle]

@citysaquaro Naw he wants it

[Burgess Meredith @RubbieQuickle]

Sorry babe, I can't do Valentine's Day this year. I'm gonna be watching the Diary of a Wimpy Kid Trilogy