Decaf Salami

I report everyone, even myself

[viviana 🫀 @chipilonita]

i don’t think there’s a difference between a router snd a modem i think yall are just trying to confuse beautiful women

[Decaf Salami @RumHam_Official]

HATE when people think its called “tubberware” go blow your fuckin nose its TUPPERWARE

[Decaf Salami @RumHam_Official]

“im a vampire, duh”
*points to poorly drawn on widows peak*

[grimace @siIIymonkey]

party rocking with a mouse tonight
piece of cheese im gonna have a big bite

[Decaf Salami @RumHam_Official]

Yall ever lean over while going potty to clean your bathroom baseboards

[Decaf Salami @RumHam_Official]

The folks I paranoid imagined who installed pinhole hidden cameras in my new place's shower watching back all the footage realizing it's all my husband bc I never shower

[Decaf Salami @RumHam_Official]

I thought our new place had such thick walls, I haven't heard a peep from either neighbor. So we've been doing 😃business😃 as usual. Last night in bed I hear through the shared wall the neighbor dropped something on the floor I ‐

[♱ @bIoodfangs]

i understand bella because if a vampire told me i was his own personal brand of heroin i would become his whore

[trevy @chillextremist]

Microsoft is a crazy thing to name your company

[໊ @buffys]

the presidential debate:

[giggly ♡ @xgigglypuff]

Ok I’m saying it. Cancel me.

Purchasing and drinking raw milk is genuinely stupid.

There are no scientifically-proven health benefits. You are paying more money for something that puts you at higher risk for dangerous bacteria. I do not respect your opinion.

[horse dentist @equine__dentist]

it’s so unfortunate that he’s so fucking funny

[GW @G_wuapbaby]

Just got invited to my friends 3rd baby shower omg girl use your butt!!!

[jake 🪷 @jakehasaproblem]

she SAID you don't have autism farkle

[culture @notgwendalupe]

a thread of celebrity mom moments in honor of mother's day:

[non aesthetic things @PicturesFoIder]

When you’re bored on gta