Redwell Fisheries

Coarse and carp fishery in Lancashire. Fabulous views and sceneries surround the site, friendly atmosphere and everyone is welcome. Come and visit us!

[Irish Ranger (Sevvy) @VeteranIrish]

REPOST
Shown below, is an actual letter that was sent to a bank by an 86 year old woman.
The bank manager thought it amusing enough to have it published in the Times.
Dear Sir:
I am writing to thank you for bouncing my cheque with which I endeavoured to pay my plumber last month.
By my calculations, three nanoseconds must have elapsed between his presenting the cheque and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honour it.
I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my entire pension, an arrangement which, I admit, has been in place for only eight years.
You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity, and also for debiting my account £30 by way of penalty for the inconvenience caused to your bank.
My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused me to rethink my errant financial ways.
I noticed that whereas I personally answer your telephone calls and letters, when I try to contact you, I am confronted by the impersonal, overcharging, pre-recorded, faceless entity which your bank has become.
From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood person.
My mortgage and loan repayments will therefore and hereafter no longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank, by cheque, addressed personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must nominate.
Be aware that it is an OFFENCE under the Postal Act for any other person to open such an envelope.
Please find attached an Application Contact which I require your chosen employee to complete.
I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know as much about him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no alternative.
Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must be countersigned by a Notary Public figure, and the mandatory details of his/her financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities)
must be accompanied by documented proof.
In due course, at MY convenience, I will issue your employee with a PIN number which he/she must quote in dealings with me.
I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again, I have modelled it on the number of button presses required of me to access my account balance on your phone banking service.
As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.
Let me level the playing field even further.
When you call me, press buttons as follows:
IMMEDIATELY AFTER DIALLING, PRESS THE STAR (*) BUTTON FOR ENGLISH
#1. To make an appointment to see me
#2. To query a missing payment.
#3. To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there.
#4. To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping.
#5. To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature.
#6. To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home.
#7. To leave a message on my computer, a password to access my computer is required.
Password will be communicated to you at a later date to that Authorized Contact mentioned earlier.
#8. To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 to 9
#9. To make a general complaint or inquiry.
The contact will then be put on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service.
While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music will play for the duration of the call.
Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new arrangement.
May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous New Year?
Your Humble Client.
And remember:
Don't make old people mad.
We don't like being old in the first place, so it doesn't take much to piss us off.
😁😁

[Around About Britain @aroundaboutbrit]

Redwell Fisheries Apartments & Lodge is the perfect holiday destination for countryside lovers. Walking, cycling & fishing can be enjoyed during your stay.
https://t.co/CvV6qqMo28
#Apartment #Lodge #Holiday #AdultOnly #Scenic #Rural #Fishing #OverKellet #Carnforth #Lancashire

[Redwell Fisheries @RWFisheries]

For all Mothers and Stepmothers Past, Present and Future

[Redwell Fisheries @RWFisheries]

Happy New Year to one and all. Here’s to a healthy and prosperous 2023 to everyone

[Northampton Scuba School @Scubanuts3]

Check out these pics from Capernwray Jackdaw Quarry yesterday - some of our club members are heading up for a visit on the 26th November! Why not join them! 👌👌

#capernwray #jackdawquarry #northamptonscubaschool #scubanuts #northampton

[Northampton Scuba School @Scubanuts3]

Capernwray has come fantastic fish life on offer - sturgeon, trout, perch, roach and carp! Another reason to join and come along on our club day! #scubanuts #northamptonscubaschool #Capernwray #jackdawquarry #Northampton

[Redwell Fisheries @RWFisheries]

Dovecote renovations are complete. Love the new weathervane

[Redwell Fisheries @RWFisheries]

Billy Philpott’s best catch of the week at 19lb. Billy’s smile says it all.

[Redwell Fisheries @RWFisheries]

Lovely catch this evening. Well done Andrew

[Matthew Stadlen @MatthewStadlen]

Retweet if you think Boris Johnson isn't fit to be Prime Minister. Like if you think he is.

[Dr Julia Grace Patterson💙 @JujuliaGrace]

If you want Boris Johnson to resign tonight, retweet this. Let’s send him a message 👍

[Redwell Fisheries @RWFisheries]

Beautiful Carp caught today. 31lb 8 oz. well done to Tony. Why not come and stay at Redwell and try your luck #catchthebigone

[Piers Morgan @piersmorgan]

The #Partygate investigation cost the British taxpayer £460,000.
That's 1.53 million 30p meals.

[All On The Board @allontheboard]

‘Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about.
Be kind. Always’ - Robin Williams
@allontheboard

#RobinWilliams #BeKind #AlwaysBeKind

[B4RN Volunteers group @dig2agig]

Find out more about #B4RN in Kirkby Lonsdale this Thursday. There's a drop-in at the Methodist Church on Queen's Square between 5pm and 7pm.

[Redwell Fisheries @RWFisheries]

@teamB4RN With the increase in Postage costs Barry decided to contact friends in Australia in a different way … after all yodelling works in the mountains!

[B4RN Volunteers group @dig2agig]

Secretary of State for @DCMS, @NadineDorries, visited #teamB4RN in Kirkoswald today. Ms. Dorries said: "[B4RN] use innovative measures to achieve the end result. It's nimble, it finds solutions to get everyone connected."

[B4RN Volunteers group @dig2agig]

#unsunghero from our #Volunteer Day - Office Manager Cat, who put the #B4RN fleet away so people could park, then got it back out again. Some solid reverse parking.

[Redwell Fisheries @RWFisheries]

Lit for all mothers, grandmothers and daughters wherever you are. Happy Mother’s Day xx