Ryan Thomas

I send tweets to radio guys, hoping I'm funny. that's about it.

[Ryan Thomas @RyanThomas61]

I had hiccups for a week. It was terrible. That weekend I went hiking and laid down for a bit. A coyote came and peed on me and cured it. @woodyandwilcox

[Ryan Thomas @RyanThomas61]

There is an actual cat at a retirement home who crawls up next to somebody who’s about to die. So far he’s been 100% accurate And the home telephones the family when the cat goes to a room @woodyandwilcox

[Ryan Thomas @RyanThomas61]

Once on I-85 a truck lost a mattress in front of me. I had to swerve and dodge it. I tried to flag the truck but they clearly knew and didn’t want to look anyone in the face. It stayed there for a week. @woodyandwilcox

[Ryan Thomas @RyanThomas61]

@woodyandwilcox boobie brownies. The ol BB's.

[Ryan Thomas @RyanThomas61]

@woodyandwilcox where's this bachelorette party being held? The fellowship hall at the local church?

[Ryan Thomas @RyanThomas61]

@woodyandwilcox this whole show is fake news #makeradiogreatagain

[Ryan Thomas @RyanThomas61]

@woodyandwilcox I have an iPhone 6s and the live stream on the app works fine

[Ryan Thomas @RyanThomas61]

@woodyandwilcox how often you feelin up manatees?

[Ryan Thomas @RyanThomas61]

@woodyandwilcox they have had safe exchange places for several years now. Well lit areas with cameras watching

[Ryan Thomas @RyanThomas61]

@woodyandwilcox Chelsea, cucumbers get bitter at that size D: and how many guys have "cucumbers" now cuz your hand was on it

[Ryan Thomas @RyanThomas61]

@woodyandwilcox I'm sure the 33" waist is right up there with Manbearpig

[Ryan Thomas @RyanThomas61]

@woodyandwilcox we can ask snopes about the 33" waist

[Ryan Thomas @RyanThomas61]

@woodyandwilcox Last night I saw snopes confirmed the existence of moon melons despite how easy it is to look up how fake it is. Idk what's real anymore.

[Ryan Thomas @RyanThomas61]

@woodyandwilcox I saw on Facebook the fight is canceled? Check it out

[Ryan Thomas @RyanThomas61]

@woodyandwilcox I left a container of chicken livers in my car for 2 days. THAT is insta-death.

[Ryan Thomas @RyanThomas61]

@woodyandwilcox Chelsea needs to explain why only half of the cucumber is pickled

[Ryan Thomas @RyanThomas61]

@gogreen18 we would love to have open conversations with you and develop new friendships.

[Ryan Thomas @RyanThomas61]

Maybe I should get the 10 free gifts from Adam and Eve. Christmas shopping for my family would be done instantly.

[Ryan Thomas @RyanThomas61]

Had a customer return products cuz I wouldn't let him sleep with my girlfriend. @woodyandwilcox

[Ryan Thomas @RyanThomas61]

The other day I was driving when a turkey flew right into my driver side window. It sensed my punk ass thuggery. @woodyandwilcox