Samantha Heatherman

28. Socially Awkward. Generally Lame. Occasionally Awesome.

[Samantha Heatherman @SamHeatherman]

Honestly seeing @HomeFreeGuys live is the highlight of my year

[Samantha Heatherman @SamHeatherman]

Find you a man who wakes up and makes pancakes then does all the dishes you neglected

[Samantha Heatherman @SamHeatherman]

DWTS is the lowest quality show with Tyra banks ptetending she’s ever had talent.

[Samantha Heatherman @SamHeatherman]

@kayleames Hear me out. My dream: huge wedding in a castle in Scotland (no reason just sounds cool) BUT NO HUSBAND. An awesome wedding with no man

[Samantha Heatherman @SamHeatherman]

@elimichael17 Listen we already dealt with you dental health, cmon

[Samantha Heatherman @SamHeatherman]

Recently discovered the man I called my father all my life isn’t my father. Not based on science or anything- he just told me he hates garlic. So obviously we don’t share blood

[Samantha Heatherman @SamHeatherman]

Is there a reason the most accused sexual offender (Dan Schneider) isn’t hanging himsef

[Samantha Heatherman @SamHeatherman]

I love being single but can anyone tell me why I’m desperate for Indian dudes??? #indian #hindu

[Samantha Heatherman @SamHeatherman]

Lol @ pls end me

[Samantha Heatherman @SamHeatherman]

The lovers we once were never could be beat

[Samantha Heatherman @SamHeatherman]

I could’ve become a serial killer but I chose to become an alcoholic instead I mean, you’re welcome ?

[Samantha Heatherman @SamHeatherman]

@elimichael17 FYI NEITHER IS SAFE
IF ITS SAFE TO DO UNNECCESSARY SHOPPING/EATING OUT
THEN ITS SAFE TO DO ANYTHING

[Samantha Heatherman @SamHeatherman]

@elimichael17 I feel like I’m a professional ‘devils advocate’ so I can see when certain people’s anger is coming from. However, I, and millions of others, are going to their very non-essential jobs where’s it’s impossible to practice social distancing.

[Samantha Heatherman @SamHeatherman]

@elimichael17 And there are times that we need to rip off our masks for a moment to breathe/get the sweat off our faces. And no one, besides the people being subjected to it, have any complaint. If it’s “safe” for me to wear a mask to work retail then it’s “safe” to put on a show with masks

[Samantha Heatherman @SamHeatherman]

Also this only took me until the third episode of the series to know how terrible she was and how damage she was going to to inflict on EVERYONE she met.

[Samantha Heatherman @SamHeatherman]

So was robin (@CobieSmulders) supposed to be the worst/most abusive/most toxic character in tv history or... @CBS @OfficialHIMYM

[Samantha Heatherman @SamHeatherman]

@elimichael17 You were so good

[Samantha Heatherman @SamHeatherman]

@TheEllenShow Plus a lot of wine

[Samantha Heatherman @SamHeatherman]

I’m watching Cheetah Girls rn and like @ravensymone I forgot how much I loved you as a child so like thanks idk
#cheetahgirls #ourspotsaredifferent #thatssoraven #girlpower #DisneyPlus

[Kentucky #insulin4all @KYinsulin4all]

Respond to this tweet to grab up to 5 free tickets to join amazing advocates from Cincinnati on a bus to the Eli Lilly #insulin4all rally on the 30th. A lunch will be served upon arrival w/ snacks & juice on the bus. Bus pick-up details ➡️ https://t.co/Z6SL3khjD2