Sam Ley

writer, editor, poet, tired. @KenyonCollege alum.

[Ben Rosen @ben_rosen]

*sisyphus on the phone with his parents* yeah i’m actually making a ton of progress with the boulder…no there’s not really like promotions…no yeah I can definitely ask

[Sam Ley @SamJLey]

@MrsFridayNext @cvspharmacy I got a memory foam pillow there for free once. Free! Multiple cashiers congratulated me. What a rush.

[Sam Ley @SamJLey]

@kvanaren This week they are learning the letter E in daycare. Except now they’re doing it next week too, since so many kids are missing.

[Diego Lopez @thisdiegolopez]

They should have coffee trucks like they have ice cream trucks. At like 4 o’clock a goofy ass van drives around blasting Paper Bag by Fiona Apple so sad adults can run out of their apartments for oat lattes

[Sam Ley @SamJLey]

@AlexandraDLey I do not, and it does. Color ones.

[Sam Ley @SamJLey]

Found a novelization of the 1997 movie Tim Allen movie “Jungle 2 Jungle” in a little free library and simply cannot stop thinking about it.

[Bess Kalb @bessbell]

Hello. Young kids back in school are so sick right now. Everyone with a preschooler has an entire household of sleepless viral cough snot fevers for the past two months without a fucking break. So if you know a parent going through this, be kind and gently hit them with your car.

[Bess Kalb @bessbell]

Hey I know we’re not really ready to acknowledge it but I just want to congratulate every single preschool aged child in the United States right now on week three of having a truly disgusting cough.

[Kathryn VanArendonk @kvanaren]

scientists have theorized the existence of five consecutive days of school that coincide with a five day work week, but as yet there’s little evidence of such an event in real-world applications

[Simon Holland @simoncholland]

Let’s get married & have kids so instead of trying a pumpkin beer you can stop the crying while I go back into the corn maze to find the shoe.

[hb @h3xenbrenner2]

Well, well, well. Look who’s come crawling back. If it isn’t my one year old son I accidentally left at the park

[Sam Ley @SamJLey]

@kvanaren But so, where might one find it?

[Sam Ley @SamJLey]

@MrsFridayNext Oh. This is unfortunate.

[dr. badvibes @nikitamissle]

keep thinking about this guy on the bus behind me yesterday with an infant who started crying & he just went 'now isnt the time for that. ' and the baby immediately stopped

[Stephen Hopkins @phil_lol_ogist]

German speakers waiting for the verb

[jo @whatsJo]

the first cicada of the season just walked itself right into my fire pit. 13 years under ground looked at the world and said nope

[Lillian Stone @originalspinstr]

i abruptly close the dELiA*s catalog, crack my knuckles, and apply a thick, chunky layer of dr. pepper lip smackers. it’s time to Ask Jeeves what happened to the roanoke colony

[Sam Ley @SamJLey]

@KirstenReach Oh. Oh no.