Sandra

Apoptosis over Necrosis • Bilingue • Quédate, y vas a ver que tan fácil me sonsacan • You'll like me. Most people do.

[Sandra @Sandra4TheWin]

#iwokeuplikethis http://t.co/qKhd35Iocc

[Sandra @Sandra4TheWin]

@k8esmall Amazing! Can't imagine how much time this took you, it's exquisite work.

[limp brittzkit @Brittymigs]

masculinity is a prison

[k @ysljennii]

me with the laundry from the dryer

[MAVI @mawiike]

voltando pra casa depois do trabalho

[Florian Ederer @florianederer]

Just got invited to a party on June 14, a day featuring no less than 5 World Cup matches, and I immediately had to think of this amazing comedy bit.

[IT Unprofessional @it_unprofession]

My friend invited me to his "casual game night."

I thought that meant snacks and maybe Uno.

He dimmed the lights, pulled out a whiteboard, and said, "We'll start with Catan, obviously."

Obviously.

Within 20 minutes, three grown adults were accusing each other of "sheep hoarding" with the intensity of a custody battle.

One guy slammed his hand on the table and yelled, "You broke our wheat alliance, Trevor."

I don't even know Trevor.

I'm just trying to figure out why there's a resource called "ore" and why I'm emotionally invested in it.

At one point, someone looked me dead in the eye and asked if I wanted to trade wood.

I haven't recovered.

We finished at midnight and my friend said, "Next time we'll do something light, like Twilight Imperium."

I Googled it.

That's not a board game.

That's a part-time job with lore.

[Patrick Hedger @pat_hedger]

Y'all make fun of Florida, but it's the only place with direct flights to the Moon.

[Sandra @Sandra4TheWin]

@ThatCircle1209

[Sandra @Sandra4TheWin]

@ThatCircle1209 🖤🖤🖤🖤 truly a loss for all, she was a legend

[Sandra @Sandra4TheWin]

@ThatChris1209 Only one way to know for sure

[Sunny @sunnyright]

The European mind cannot comprehend Florida man doing his annual collection of giant iguanas because it’s cold outside

[ppigg @s4m31p4n]

CIA interrogator: Did you make the Yuletide gay, answer me

Me: *spitting blood* Fuck you

[Blaine Anderson @datingbyblaine]

31-year-old matchmaking client, SoCal, 6’3”, handsome, very successful young, very picky.

Sometimes it feels like he’s hired me just to reject beautiful women?

He rarely accepts introductions, but he’s referred friends to me, and keeps re-upping with new packages…

Finally he takes a date with a woman in LA. She’s 25, blonde, gorgeous, bubbly, great family and education, flexible career. Checks all his boxes.

First date is good, but they don’t kiss. She says she moves slowly with guys.

Second date is good, and they make out after.

They’d discussed spending NYE together in Miami, because she’ll be there with family, and he has friends there...

Now he tells me he's bailing!

To him, her moving slowly means no spark.

All his previous long-relationships advanced quickly physically…

To me, her moving slowly means she wants a deeper connection.

Not all long-term relationships take shape the same way, plus pacing can be different at 31 versus 27, when he was in his last LTR…

I want him to go to Miami. Wdyt?!

[Sandra @Sandra4TheWin]

@ThatCircle1209 You work in their time zones pretty often, if she has nothing else to go on 🤷🏽‍♀️🤷🏽‍♀️

[Sandra @Sandra4TheWin]

@ThatCircle1209 legal tip: it's only slander if it's not true 😎

[Trident Deck @TridentDeck]

I mean look you can’t be too shocked, the Mariners don’t really bring a “step on their throats and coast through a series sweep” vibe to the function. What they bring is more of an “AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH”

[Sandra @Sandra4TheWin]

@lzndon HELLO WALT