Sandra Korpitz

My life is a joke & Twitter is my diary.

[Sandra Korpitz @SandraKorpitz]

@drezcobar @charliekirk11 just got 1,000! can’t believe it!

[Sandra Korpitz @SandraKorpitz]

Is anyone else watching Love is Blind UK??
Why does every single one of these people say they go to the gym 1-2x/day?!

[Sandra Korpitz @SandraKorpitz]

When people ask me “How’s married life?” I’m legitimately like “I have great insurance now.”

[Sandra Korpitz @SandraKorpitz]

WHY are college baseball games so longggg?

*I don’t actually care, it was more of a complaint.

[Sandra Korpitz @SandraKorpitz]

- Is that the Tennessee River?
- Yep, Kentucky Lake.

…….

[Sandra Korpitz @SandraKorpitz]

BUT THEN he said “I’m gonna go ask your husband.” & THAT bugged me… like you didn’t like my answer so you’re gonna ask my husband & hope HE says you can punch me?
That’s actually f***ed up.

I almost punched him anyway.

[Sandra Korpitz @SandraKorpitz]

I was in a wedding this weekend & at the after party, one of the groomsmen asked if he could punch me.

That actually didn’t bug me, people get f***ed up. I was just like “nahh I don’t think you wanna be the guy at the party that punches a girl & then gets his ass beat by her.”

[Sandra Korpitz @SandraKorpitz]

Isn’t it crazy how you can think about getting a tattoo... Stress, overthink, 2nd guess, doubt, worry about it…

But really, they’re so common nowadays, if you were to actually get it, no one would even notice.

If they saw it, they’d be like “yeah… you’ve always had that.”

[Sandra Korpitz @SandraKorpitz]

Watching SYTYCD & this girl says she likes this boy bc “he’s beefy.”

HONEY. none of these 19 y/o boys are BEEFY!

[Sandra Korpitz @SandraKorpitz]

Speaking of youngins… they’re all out here in their daisy dukes & mini skits…

These days I do not mess around with being cold! It’ll be in the 60’s? I’ll be in a hoodie.

[Sandra Korpitz @SandraKorpitz]

Me- I’m kind of surprised with all the people here, we haven’t seen anyone we know.
J- I’m not. We’re in our 30’s & it’s a thursday night. All our friends have kids. They can’t go out in a school night.

[Sandra Korpitz @SandraKorpitz]

I stayed in my pj’s all day today, & I’m pretty stoked about that.

[Sandra Korpitz @SandraKorpitz]

🎶 HEY 👏 I don’t know about you 👏 But I’m going to Bonnaroo 🎉

[Sandra Korpitz @SandraKorpitz]

Ok this weekend filled up my social cup, I’m ready to stay home alone for a couple weeks.

[Sandra Korpitz @SandraKorpitz]

I was like GTFO of here dude if you honestly think i’m under 21 then YOU’RE DRUNK

[Sandra Korpitz @SandraKorpitz]

LOL at the dudes at the liquor store saying my ID was fake

[Sandra Korpitz @SandraKorpitz]

when a member asks me to out her breast milk in the fridge

😳😳😳

[Sandra Korpitz @SandraKorpitz]

I know I know. TRUST ME, I know. ya
gotta have a story.

[Sandra Korpitz @SandraKorpitz]

lol watching SYTYCD with these 18 y/o’s talking about all the “pain” & “hardships” they’ve lived through.

[Sandra Korpitz @SandraKorpitz]

& then he shared his bourbon with the dog.