Sara Bergmark

[Sara Bergmark @SaraBergmark]

Sorry I’m late. I was busy thinking about every decision I’ve ever made that has lead me to this point and if it was embarrassing or not.

What’s up with you?!?

[Sara Bergmark @SaraBergmark]

There should be a self destruct feature on your phone for anytime you get a text that says “can we talk?”.

[24 Hour Kiss Club @24hourkissclub]

We have our monthly show at Asylum this Saturday at 7:30. We’ve been told it’s embarrassing to miss it. We think that’s something to consider.

[Sara Bergmark @SaraBergmark]

The one friend that says thank you to the Uber driver after all the other passengers have wreaked havoc.

[Sara Bergmark @SaraBergmark]

@trentmabry @ThereYouGoPod Thanks Trent!! 🙌

[Sara Bergmark @SaraBergmark]

Whenever something is Turkey based I always think, “wow I can’t believe it flew all the way out here!”

[Sara Bergmark @SaraBergmark]

Whenever I see a man in a fedora I always think about the one woman who told them it looked good.

[Sara Bergmark @SaraBergmark]

For the two people that read my tweets, I am aware this is a stretch.

[Sara Bergmark @SaraBergmark]

Hey boy are you my period? Because you keep showing up in my life at the most inconvenient times.

[Sara Bergmark @SaraBergmark]

Is he hot or is he just ignoring me?

[Sara Bergmark @SaraBergmark]

Every Thanksgiving I know shoveling food into my mouth won’t fill the uncomfortable void…but at least we can try!

[Sara Bergmark @SaraBergmark]

Whenever someone gets multiple life sentences I always picture them reincarnated as a another animal, but in handcuffs. Like an evil little caterpillar behind bars.

[Sara Bergmark @SaraBergmark]

Me and my friends when I ask my friends to come to my comedy shows

[Sara Bergmark @SaraBergmark]

Everytime I eat a snickers I’m like “wow I love protein bars!”

[Sara Bergmark @SaraBergmark]

Back to thinking I’m smart enough to be on twitter!

[Sara Bergmark @SaraBergmark]

I need everyone to stop being so casual about planes. We’re all so cool about floating in the sky?!!

[Sara Bergmark @SaraBergmark]

I’ve started checking out babies more than men and that’s how I know my own body is working against me.

[Sara Bergmark @SaraBergmark]

Whenever someone has a printer it’s like....okay we get it you have a trust fund.

[Sara Bergmark @SaraBergmark]

Micro-dosing confrontation by no longer apologizing to chairs I bump into.

[Sara Bergmark @SaraBergmark]

I’m such an empath. Every time I see someone getting attention, I have to talk over them so I know exactly what they’re going through.

[Sara Bergmark @SaraBergmark]

Glad all the bars are opening up again to remind me that I don’t like going to bars.