Brad Schwarzenbach

Successful submitter of TWO corrections to the New York Times

[Brad Schwarzenbach @SchwarzenbachB]

Just once I'd like to throw my hands all up in the air and wave them around as if it was something about which I felt very passionately.

[Brad Schwarzenbach @SchwarzenbachB]

@kclairerogers Oh you shot a 63 at Oakmont. Fun fact! So did Johnny Miller ;)

[Brad Schwarzenbach @SchwarzenbachB]

/endthread

[Brad Schwarzenbach @SchwarzenbachB]

Maybe my last tweets ever... I don't know... We'll see...
Anyway...

[Brad Schwarzenbach @SchwarzenbachB]

Tom Selleck, Ted Danson, and Steve Guttenberg sang The Spaniels' "Goodnight Sweetheart Goodnight" to a crying baby.

[Brad Schwarzenbach @SchwarzenbachB]

Hate the player AND the game. I don’t give a fuck.

[Brad Schwarzenbach @SchwarzenbachB]

My dog's name is Rae. But I like to call her Madamoiselle Vicomtesse de Shork.
Don't ask me how we got here.

[Brad Schwarzenbach @SchwarzenbachB]

@AlanShipnuck This is incredibly simple...
It means a LOT less than a win on the PGA Tour, DP World Tour, Asian Tour, Sunshine Tour, Mackenzie Tour, or Korn Ferry Tour (and others).
Those tours make you play four rounds. The LIV Tour plays 75% of that, per event.

[Brad Schwarzenbach @SchwarzenbachB]

@caitiedelaney I’m not disagreeing with you. But I am correcting you…
It’s “stuf,” not stuff.
Get it together.

[Brad Schwarzenbach @SchwarzenbachB]

Sometimes you have two glasses of wine and you try to manipulate the Apple TV remote upside down and you don’t know what the hell is going on.

[Brad Schwarzenbach @SchwarzenbachB]

Alllllll the anti-Bill Murray stuff coming out now. Just further proves that you die a hero or live long enough to see yourself become the villain.

[Brad Schwarzenbach @SchwarzenbachB]

Correction: It occurs to me that this period fucking SUCKED for the LGBTQ+ population and that makes it a lot less great.

[Brad Schwarzenbach @SchwarzenbachB]

Every night I’m reminded that I’m blessed to have been alive in the period between the dissolution of the Soviet Union and 9/11.
That’s pretty much as good as it’s going to get in my lifetime.

[Brad Schwarzenbach @SchwarzenbachB]

Fuck/Marry/Kill…
The current and previous two presidents of the United States.

[Brad Schwarzenbach @SchwarzenbachB]

Two questions…
1. Is Mercury, like, ALWAYS retrograde?
2. When it is, why is it responsible for EVERYTHING?

[Brad Schwarzenbach @SchwarzenbachB]

@BearsFanJordan @jwreeve @danielleradford Oof. This hits.

[Brad Schwarzenbach @SchwarzenbachB]

Apropos of nothing but...
In the last eight US Presidential Elections, a Republican has won the popular vote exactly once (Bush, 2004).

[Brad Schwarzenbach @SchwarzenbachB]

Training a dog is like going to the dentist.
Whatever you’re doing, it’s wrong.

[Brad Schwarzenbach @SchwarzenbachB]

@joereid I don’t even understand consciousness anymore.
What is this?!?!?

[Brad Schwarzenbach @SchwarzenbachB]

@pmiscove Die a hero or live long enough to see yourself become the villain.
This is sad.