Logical Primate

[Logical Primate @SensiblePrimate]

Dog sitter caught on camera slamming puppy onto the floor https://t.co/lsGC9Ndm2t

[Logical Primate @SensiblePrimate]

Top three phrases uttered in our household. in order of frequency: 1. I burped. 2. I love you. 3. I farted.

[Logical Primate @SensiblePrimate]

Target had a credit card breach? But only with in-store purchases. not online? More proof you're better off staying home with no pants on.

[Logical Primate @SensiblePrimate]

Michael Phelps just won another gold medal for taking the quickest bath.

[Logical Primate @SensiblePrimate]

understand pacman because I too live my life sprinting after food

[Logical Primate @SensiblePrimate]

I answer with an automatic ''Yes'' each time my mom says ''Oh. have I told you...?'' I could miss out on something good but chances are slim.

[Logical Primate @SensiblePrimate]

For every action there is an unequal and opposite overreaction. Newtons law of the Internet

[Logical Primate @SensiblePrimate]

Teach a man to fish in highly-contaminated water. feed him for a day.

[Logical Primate @SensiblePrimate]

Tesla has a giant new machine to produce the Model Y frame in almost one piece https://t.co/EyQ2TvVxvB

[Logical Primate @SensiblePrimate]

And. how seriously does your company take allegations of witchcraft?

[Logical Primate @SensiblePrimate]

1 stick hand in glue 2 stick hand in feather 3 now you are like bird. Impress your friend.

[Logical Primate @SensiblePrimate]

Let me get this straight. The guy was raised by animals in the jungle with no human contact whatsoever and he named himself George?

[Logical Primate @SensiblePrimate]

Got Dementors to protect Hogwarts this year. They suck souls out! Indiscriminately!

[Logical Primate @SensiblePrimate]

Hey. don't assume I'm dying alone. I might find someone. you don't know.

[Logical Primate @SensiblePrimate]

Used Facebook account ~ get up to the minute weather forecast. religious counseling and countless pictures of Jenny's cat.

[Logical Primate @SensiblePrimate]

I don't think you are stupid. You just have a bad luck when thinking.

[Logical Primate @SensiblePrimate]

Justin Bieber Criticizes Taylor Swift for ‘Crossing a Line’ With Scooter Braun Post https://t.co/YXHDlvtJCk

[Logical Primate @SensiblePrimate]

I hope farmers are as disappointed as I am by the kinds of people at the farmer's market.

[Logical Primate @SensiblePrimate]

I'm starting to think Twitter has nothing to do with birds.

[Logical Primate @SensiblePrimate]

A group of wild dads just ran into my back yard. built a shed. filled it with tools and told me not to touch any of them or I'd be grounded.