Nicholas Brody

[Nicholas Brody @SergeantBrody]

Does anyone want to play hearts with my stupid boring ass son Chris? #SometimesIWishThatVestDidntMalfunction

[Nicholas Brody @SergeantBrody]

Hey Dana, can you run me over too so I don't have to see you moping around for the rest of my fucking life?

[Nicholas Brody @SergeantBrody]

Spending time with my boring son Chris is almost worse torture than I experienced in Iraq. #MySonisSoBoring

[Nicholas Brody @SergeantBrody]

"Hey I'm gonna buy a Mustang, that's a cool car!" - Mike Faber, the Douche

[Nicholas Brody @SergeantBrody]

Nazir and some of the guys say I sound "too white" when I say Assalamu alaikum. #FuckYouGuys

[Nicholas Brody @SergeantBrody]

Oh what the fuck! Jess threw out all my CDs!!! Guess all the shit is on Spotify, but still...

[Nicholas Brody @SergeantBrody]

Saying prayer 5x a day in the garage and not getting caught is very difficult.

[Nicholas Brody @SergeantBrody]

"DAD! THE DVR ERASED MY FAVORITE SHOW, AND I THINK ITS ALL YOUR FAULT!!!" *Cry* *Cry* #EverythingisMyFault #IBetMikesDVRNeverErasesShit

[Nicholas Brody @SergeantBrody]

"DAD!!! DADD!!!! WE'RE OUT OF ORANGE JUICE!!!!" *TEARS* *TEARS* *TEARS* #MyDaughtertheDramaQueen

[Nicholas Brody @SergeantBrody]

TIME WARNER CUSTOMER SERVICE!!!!!! #TalkAboutTorture

[Nicholas Brody @SergeantBrody]

Man, people are really fired up about Girl Meets World. Whatever. Bring back Perfect Strangers. Now THAT was a good program.

[Nicholas Brody @SergeantBrody]

"Hey dad, this CIA safehouse is really cool! TV's in every room!!!" - My son, the idiot. #FuckMe

[Nicholas Brody @SergeantBrody]

I'm like NEVER doing my Congressman shit. Surprised people aren't more pissed.

[Nicholas Brody @SergeantBrody]

I never thought I'd say this, but things were a lot easier when my daughter dated that chubby stoner kid

[Nicholas Brody @SergeantBrody]

Big surprise, Mike Faber posted that stupid Facebook privacy thing on his timeline #Doofus

[Nicholas Brody @SergeantBrody]

Liz and Dick. WTF!

[Nicholas Brody @SergeantBrody]

Wow. So much great TV came out while I was in captivity. Breaking Bad?? Incredible. Can't wait to watch next ep after this mtg with Estes

[Nicholas Brody @SergeantBrody]

Being in captivity sucked, but to come back and go straight to an iPhone? FUCKING NUTS! This thing is amazing

[Nicholas Brody @SergeantBrody]

Working at the CIA now. #WTF #SorryAbuNazir #ThingsBeenMovingMadFastPastFewDays

[Nicholas Brody @SergeantBrody]

Debating whether to use Emojis in my texts to Carrie, too cute? Or does it kind of help make things casual?