SharkNuckel

The void for screaming // Not a contentless porn bot, but a top follow among contentless porn bots

[SharkNuckel @SharkNuckel]

Sorry to say I’m actively trying to get back on my bullshit

[SharkNuckel @SharkNuckel]

Girl I’m seeing saying that she never really liked receiving oral because she never really felt anything before

And fellas, how can you say you love pussy if you’re not willing to get all up in there in every way you can

Step up your tongue game

[SharkNuckel @SharkNuckel]

They call me MR. ED because of my well-known erectile dysfunction wait that’s not a flex–

[SharkNuckel @SharkNuckel]

Walking around WDW, I saw this one heavyset guy who looked like he bore an unfortunate resemblance to JD Vance.

THEN I noticed that he was wearing a Trunk ‘24 shirt and realized with horror that this was no accident

[SharkNuckel @SharkNuckel]

Pretty sure that out of all the careers explored in the STEM and Space Festival over the past week, I found the future IT Specialist in the kid wearing the wolf ears and tail at the programmable robot kiosk

[SharkNuckel @SharkNuckel]

Me at the cafe: Much like Elias here, I also hope to go out while going down on a muffin

Coroner, zipping up body bag: not the time dude

[SharkNuckel @SharkNuckel]

The term “race fans” has a very different connotation here than it does at, say, the republican national convention

[SharkNuckel @SharkNuckel]

It is at times like this that I know time travel will not be perfected in my lifetime, as I would definitely have come back to prevent me from ending up where I find myself

[SharkNuckel @SharkNuckel]

Megaplex is short for “Megalopolis Plexico Burress”

[SharkNuckel @SharkNuckel]

Super-hard to take seriously your vociferous global-societal viewpoints while also simping for being grifted at your NFT conference, bro

[SharkNuckel @SharkNuckel]

About to enter the third straight worst month of my life, having lost 23 pounds on the Stress and Cortisol Buildup Diet, feel like everything has totally and completely collapsed, and that a significant portion of that isn’t on me.

Also I made this with my kid tonight

[SharkNuckel @SharkNuckel]

Let’s be real, though: 90s guy waking up from a coma isn’t really gonna recognize any problems with what took Roseanne out of the limelight

[SharkNuckel @SharkNuckel]

*someone waking from a coma they entered in 1990 just in time to hear the All-Star Game national anthem* Roseanne Barr, come back; all is forgiven!

*catches up with pop culture*

… oh.

…

oh NO.

[SharkNuckel @SharkNuckel]

Guess what, Meghan: we all won that contest

[SharkNuckel @SharkNuckel]

Meghan McCain won ONE swimming competition and has been resting on her dad’s laurels ever since

[SharkNuckel @SharkNuckel]

I guess you can always rely on your family to be your family

[SharkNuckel @SharkNuckel]

Our most prominent philosophers have a suggestion

[Jake Sherman @JakeSherman]

TRUMP will be sentenced July 11. The Republican convention begins July 15 in Milwaukee.

[SharkNuckel @SharkNuckel]

Maybe the furries are into something. Gonna need to pick a fursona animal and use that for my counter service food orders, since apparently both my first and/or surnames are an impossible-level spelling challenge

[Andrew Tate @Cobratate]

Sex is for making children.

Any man who has sex with women because it "feels good" is gay.

Oh my pee pee feels good this is great!

In fact if you are 40 with less than 5 children you're probably gay.

All that feel-good pee pee sex and hardly any genetic legacy?

[SharkNuckel @SharkNuckel]

It’s true what they say: don’t consume your favorite media when you’re going through a dark time. It may have taken beyond two decades to regain the capacity to listen to what was, to that time, one of my favorite albums

[SharkNuckel @SharkNuckel]

EXPERIMENT: After over twenty-two years, can I finally listen to this album without being instantly transported to the headspace I was in when my cousin killed himself? STAY TUNED

So weird to realize he’s been gone longer than he lived. Still feels so fresh & unfairly formative