neurodivirgin

artist, writer, over-analyzer, sometimes funny, always hungry.

[neurodivirgin @Shaylaaaaa]

today my therapist told me I was funny like excuse me what part of this session did you think was a joke

[neurodivirgin @Shaylaaaaa]

@jennknut 🥹

[neurodivirgin @Shaylaaaaa]

@danielleweisber I thought this was like a “would you rather” situation and now I need to see some polls

[neurodivirgin @Shaylaaaaa]

I just found out that upon an interaction with a baby, a normal reaction is to think “I wish I had a baby” and not “I wish I was a baby”

[neurodivirgin @Shaylaaaaa]

@adtheisen @stheisen21 I just remembered you guys were brothers

[neurodivirgin @Shaylaaaaa]

Was anybody actually checking the signed permission slips at school or did I master my parents signatures for nothing ??

[neurodivirgin @Shaylaaaaa]

@stheisen21 @adtheisen Should have gone to my school where we could all be half drunk on the blood of Christ

[neurodivirgin @Shaylaaaaa]

@stheisen21 Keeping a planner was half the battle. You sound like a winner to me

[neurodivirgin @Shaylaaaaa]

When I was 14 I bought some neon green nail polish from Hot Topic and thought it made me goth

[neurodivirgin @Shaylaaaaa]

Nah I’m lying I would never hold in a fart.

[neurodivirgin @Shaylaaaaa]

I’m too afraid to go to the gym because I know I’ll be caught in the background of someone’s lifting video, probably trying to hold in a fart.

[neurodivirgin @Shaylaaaaa]

Someone at work voted for her favorite cookie after admitting to not actually taste testing any of them and THIS IS WHAT’S WRONG WITH AMERICA

[neurodivirgin @Shaylaaaaa]

Why did I expect to have had so many meet cutes under a mistletoe by now

[neurodivirgin @Shaylaaaaa]

Turns out the bald eagle frolicking in my neighbors snow bank was actually a kid wearing a black jacket and a white beanie

[neurodivirgin @Shaylaaaaa]

Who knew moving away wouldn’t make me happier, and solve all my problems? (The answer is everyone, but me.)

[neurodivirgin @Shaylaaaaa]

@KHatch02 Chad’s in there like 👀

[neurodivirgin @Shaylaaaaa]

A story about getting older, but not growing up. By Shayla O’Leary.

My aging body: where’s the tylenol
My lack of maturity:

[neurodivirgin @Shaylaaaaa]

“Find a remote job” vs “find a remote” job. Which one is more difficult?

[neurodivirgin @Shaylaaaaa]

@Sethrogen Everything about this screams animation

[neurodivirgin @Shaylaaaaa]

A small blurb of today’s google searches, in case you forgot how my brain works:

“shark eggs”
“children’s poverty rate”
“hotdog hans”
“cookie dough near me”