shitmydadsay

retweets of the true shitmydadsays

[shitmydadsay @shitmydadsay]

Short piece I wrote for Father's Day about my dad, little league, and crying. http://t.co/hauX24MKL3

[shitmydadsay @shitmydadsay]

"Just say 'I don't know.' I'd actually prefer that to a dumb answer." A short essay about my dad's thoughts on death: http://t.co/uNmc1FaKBY

[shitmydadsay @shitmydadsay]

"1st amendment doesn't protect assholes from criticism. The right to act like an asshole and be called an asshole's the same fucking right."

[shitmydadsay @shitmydadsay]

"Bullshit. Don't pretend you don't care about your birthday. It's like watching a hooker pretend she's out for a walk when cops drive by."

[shitmydadsay @shitmydadsay]

"He's nice now but he WAS an asshole. Just 'cause a piece of shit dries up and stops smelling, doesn't mean it's not still a piece of shit."

[shitmydadsay @shitmydadsay]

A short story about why my dad thinks Father's Day is bullshit. scr.bi/ixOHFe

[shitmydadsay @shitmydadsay]

"You didn't get a good deal, you were just fucked gently. Trust me, Best Buy will not be the one with the sore asshole tomorrow."

[shitmydadsay @shitmydadsay]

"WENT through an awkward phase? What phase you think you're in now? Ever seen yourself walk up stairs? It's like a T-rex that shit himself."

[shitmydadsay @shitmydadsay]

"So he likes drugs and hookers. That's the mustard & mayo on the sandwich of life. Problem is, that's all he's got on his fucking sandwich."

[shitmydadsay @shitmydadsay]

I just don't wanna celebrate a bullshit holiday. I'm plenty romantic. I own a home and have never shit my pants. Two things you can't say.

[shitmydadsay @shitmydadsay]

Fuck me....don't tell me that tonight.

[shitmydadsay @shitmydadsay]

"No, I'm not a pessimist. At some point the world shits on everybody. Pretending it ain't shit makes you an idiot, not an optimist."

[shitmydadsay @shitmydadsay]

"Fine, let’s take a vote. Who wants fish for dinner?...Yeah, democracy ain’t so fun when it fucks you, huh?”

[shitmydadsay @shitmydadsay]

"STOP apologizing. You're sorry, he gets it, Jesus. You spilled a glass of wine, not fucked his wife."

[shitmydadsay @shitmydadsay]

Everyone thinks their opinion matters. Don't argue with a nobody. A farmer doesn't bother telling a pig his breath smells like shit.

[shitmydadsay @shitmydadsay]

"No. I want the salad...Live a little? I'm ordering lunch. I don't have a choice between salad or fucking skydiving."

[shitmydadsay @shitmydadsay]

You don't have to be good to succeed. You just gotta be the least shitty option. Example: We're eating at The Olive Garden

[shitmydadsay @shitmydadsay]

You came out of your mom looking like shit. She thought you were beautiful. Don't know what scared me most, your looks or her judgment.

[shitmydadsay @shitmydadsay]

"Put the rake down. I don't wanna sit around watching you 'give it your best.' Either stop sucking or get the fuck out of the way."

[shitmydadsay @shitmydadsay]

"See, you think I give a shit. Wrong. In fact, while you talk, I'm thinking; How can I give less of shit? That's why I look interested."