shitmyMILsays

A short format memoir about living with my mother-in-law.

[shitmyMILsays @ShitmyL]

When the CDC said you can take your mask off they meant the cloth one. Keep the racist one on - nobody wants to see that.

[shitmyMILsays @ShitmyL]

#somethinginthewater sun stage sounds like absolute ass.

[shitmyMILsays @ShitmyL]

@EllizResist @sitw Amazon Prime

[shitmyMILsays @ShitmyL]

@runjewels @Pharrell @runjewels my boys still coming to DC this weekend?

[shitmyMILsays @ShitmyL]

@KingGregz @adidas Calm your tits

[shitmyMILsays @ShitmyL]

Mom: also, I’ve only eaten caramel popcorn today, not sure why I’m so hungry.

[shitmyMILsays @ShitmyL]

Mom: I know it’s almost 6p and you set out dinner and are waiting on me but I already ate a few hours ago. Forgot to tell you. On my way.

[shitmyMILsays @ShitmyL]

Mom: I know it’s almost 6p and you set out dinner and are waiting on me but I already ate a few hours ago. Forgot to tell you. On my way.

[shitmyMILsays @ShitmyL]

Is this still good?

[shitmyMILsays @ShitmyL]

Mom: Popeyes ‘cold’ slaw is salad and dessert.

[shitmyMILsays @ShitmyL]

Next up on Snake Plant Drama:

[shitmyMILsays @ShitmyL]

No, you do not need to water the snake plants every day.

[shitmyMILsays @ShitmyL]

Mom: hey I know you are watching a movie right now but I’m going to ask you 10 different questions about unrelated movies and actors.

[shitmyMILsays @ShitmyL]

Mom: Hey I know I can’t pack for 10 days in a carry-on, but can you ‘make room for this gigantic bag of pork floss for your sister in Seattle’?

[shitmyMILsays @ShitmyL]

No, you do not need to water the snake plants every day.

[shitmyMILsays @ShitmyL]

It’s 70• outside which means it 76• inside, make sense?

[shitmyMILsays @ShitmyL]

It’s been 4 weeks and I broke down and bought a bathroom scale. I guess you can say things are going well.

[shitmyMILsays @ShitmyL]

In this house there is a weird mixture of refrigerating foods that don’t need it and vice versa.

[shitmyMILsays @ShitmyL]

@JackicseB Looks like they were just signaling they were out of gas.

[shitmyMILsays @ShitmyL]

It’s perfectly normal to set the pork out 2 hours before we eat it.

[shitmyMILsays @ShitmyL]

This PSA won’t reach the right audience but here goes. The sell by date is not the freeze by date.

[shitmyMILsays @ShitmyL]

How about instead of using an alarm clock on my phone I call you from the second floor and ask you to wake me up in 40 minutes? K thanks bye.