River

22yo, genderfluid & lesbian, mentally ill, edtwt ✨

[River @SilverRiverVent]

Also I'm now the proud owner of a green lipstick :)))

[River @SilverRiverVent]

@fatcowx1 I'm still stuck at the same weight as you, weight twin. I tried eating more today to see if it will help being not stuck anymore. I'll update you in a day or two if you want :)

[River @SilverRiverVent]

I don know if things can get better, but they can get less worse ! I'm sharing my hope to anyone who needs some 🩷✨

[River @SilverRiverVent]

Sometimes in time of crisis, you need a break and self kindness. Tomorrow I will be back to (at least) bare minimum efforts, but a day off from 'trying to be okay' really helps when you are chronically mentally ill 🩷

[River @SilverRiverVent]

I watched a horror movie, which feeds my soul. I yapped to my mom about the ancient world (Etruscan people specifically). I watched YouTube while playing phone games, it was nice

[River @SilverRiverVent]

Usually I force myself to still do stuff I like, but today I gave myself a nothing day and it feels peaceful...I didn't walk as much as I would have liked, but heat outside :'(

[River @SilverRiverVent]

I let myself do whatever I wanted today to attempt bettering my depressed state and it worked ! (I'm still depressed but it feels manageable tonight)
Food wise, I just ate whatever I wanted, and surprisingly I'm still under 3kcal ? (I thought I would be at least 4k)

[River @SilverRiverVent]

I can't sleep

[River @SilverRiverVent]

665kcal consumed today...Which is half my limit, and solely because I purged again
But 4k steps, that's nice (it felt like more, and I need to stop going out during the hottest hours of the day)

[River @SilverRiverVent]

My coping mechanism and life habits might make me die extra early, but at least I'm not actively trying to kms ✨

[River @SilverRiverVent]

@lunardreamn You have no one to fear when no one sees you :')

[River @SilverRiverVent]

@fatcowx1 We're the exact same weight ! (And I'm stuck here too 😭)

[River @SilverRiverVent]

I think I will keep my max intake at 1200kcal. It's 1k deficit from my maintenance but it's surprisingly not hard to sustain (when I don't binge but those are emotional, so...)

[River @SilverRiverVent]

I'm thinking about my eating when I'm back to uni. Depending on my schedule I could lowk omad most days with no issues I think...
No breakfast or something small if I'm hungry/have a very long morning
Lunch at uni (merci le crous) or late lunch at home
And then no dinner

[River @SilverRiverVent]

I need to see when I have my schedule and all, but it seems doable ? I just need to plan the eventual need for snack very well or else the vending machine will take all my money......

[River @SilverRiverVent]

I hate that I gained 30+ kg in a few months when I was forced under medication as a teen, but didn't lose anything when I went off of it and now it takes sooooo long to lose

[River @SilverRiverVent]

I've been at a plateau for three weeks now
I was losing well, then I had a week of binging and since, I can't lose. Someone knows why?

[River @SilverRiverVent]

Day under my cal limit and over 5k steps, and I am well hydrated. Only wins of today, but that's already something (?)

[River @SilverRiverVent]

One one hand I really hate purging after a binge. On the other hand, I do feel better after..

[River @SilverRiverVent]

→Made pancake dough
→Failed the cooking of pancakes
→Sad
→Make it into a cake because I won't waste dough
→Too sad to eat the cake