Simon Ford

Australian Comedian. MC. Writer. Skeptic of organized religion, organized politics and organized closets.

[Simon Ford @SimonFordComedy]

* scene: Russian Hotel. Hooker enters, Stage Right.

"To pee, or not to pee - that is the question"

#ShakespeareInTheTrump

[Simon Ford @SimonFordComedy]

@thehoffather @sahatenglish Sounds like Israel this week…

[Simon Ford @SimonFordComedy]

@VoteLewko Great analogy. I assume you’re criticising Israelis complaining that opponents of Israeli war crimes aren’t also talking about Sudan and Ethiopia, right Dan?

[Simon Ford @SimonFordComedy]

@TheInspectorAsh @MaryKostakidis “Host nation’s flag” 🙄

[Simon Ford @SimonFordComedy]

@RadioFreeTom This is the Republican Senators’ equivalent of breasting boobily

[Simon Ford @SimonFordComedy]

@evanspw Own it!! The start of your journey to being a high-panter

[Simon Ford @SimonFordComedy]

@evanspw Started about 10 days ago…

[Simon Ford @SimonFordComedy]

@evanspw Sure fuckin’ hope so 🤞

[Simon Ford @SimonFordComedy]

@Jeremy_TechHQ @Trace_Cohen Couldn’t agree more!!!

[Simon Ford @SimonFordComedy]

@TheKouk What do you call 50 economists at the bottom of Sydney Harbour?

[Simon Ford @SimonFordComedy]

@loucar_57 @BlackKnight10k Make him eat steak medium-rare…

[Simon Ford @SimonFordComedy]

@evanspw @johnb78 Never mind the length - feel the girth

[Simon Ford @SimonFordComedy]

@evanspw @integritycdn You should fit two - better safe than sorry.

[Simon Ford @SimonFordComedy]

@johnb78 Not many people know that this was the original band name of Peter Paul and Mary

[Simon Ford @SimonFordComedy]

@johnb78 Try the other ethnic groups from the region - the sportos, the motorheads, geeks, sluts, bloods, wastoids, dweebies, dickheads…

[Simon Ford @SimonFordComedy]

@dieworkwear Is this what people call shit-posting?

[Simon Ford @SimonFordComedy]

@johnb78 Excuse me. That’s SIR PissPantsCumLord.

[Simon Ford @SimonFordComedy]

@gtconway3d Get a grip, jerkoff!! I suspect she’ll end up getting her comeuppance in the end

[Simon Ford @SimonFordComedy]

@Samtanic_Panic We’re delighted to announce the birth of our beautiful baby boy, Mittens. 8 lbs 6 oz.

[Simon Ford @SimonFordComedy]

@meiselasb In conclusion, America is a land of contrasts. Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.

[Simon Ford @SimonFordComedy]

@mrpkd @MattGlassman312 @CoastalElite28 How hard can it possibly be? It’s just engineering of all those hydrologicals… 🤔