Simon

Revenue Analyst, UOregon Marketing, Finance, & Economics 2020. Practically inactive on social media. I’d probably rather be driving.

[Simon @SimonKeiner]

Watch out guys, it's mister steal yo' girl!!!

[Simon @SimonKeiner]

My parents bought this new in 1999, and just replaced it 2025 lol.

I was a literal baby in this car and now my wife has driven this car

[Simon @SimonKeiner]

Washed and ready for my drivers test tomorrow 🚦

[Simon @SimonKeiner]

My twitter isn’t here for other people.

At this point I’m tweeting to myself so I can read it when I randomly decide to scroll old tweets every couple years…

[Simon @SimonKeiner]

This November was 29° in the morning on Monday and the 81° on Tuesday afternoon

[Simon @SimonKeiner]

Lubbock, TX: where it’s 30° tonight and 80° this weekend… in November… 🥶🔥

[Simon @SimonKeiner]

I’m not an analyst anymore, I guess I’m just cynical…

[Simon @SimonKeiner]

I’m not cynical, I’m an analyst

[Simon @SimonKeiner]

I’m nearing 30 years old and yet somehow I still manage to be shocked by the unintelligence of the average person…

[Simon @SimonKeiner]

I’m not cynical, I’m an analyst

[Simon @SimonKeiner]

All US politicians be like

[Simon @SimonKeiner]

Leave it to a Tesla dealership to water their lawn in Lubbock TX after almost 2 inches of rain in that day…

[Simon @SimonKeiner]

Me: I got a poodle mix because poodles are agile and graceful!

My doodle:

[Simon @SimonKeiner]

This remains disappointingly relevant…

[Simon @SimonKeiner]

There’s plenty of stats around voting and registered voters, so not voting is in fact still making your voice heard. Politicians know you chose not to vote

[Simon @SimonKeiner]

@Whataburger thanks for the laugh while sitting waiting for you to go grab the fries you forgot 😂

[Simon @SimonKeiner]

@RyanofSilverton Professional sports is not good

[Simon @SimonKeiner]

At this point they should honestly rename @YouTube AdTube

[Simon @SimonKeiner]

Peeps explained: it’s a crusty marshmallow

[Simon @SimonKeiner]

I do NOT remember this 😂

[Simon @SimonKeiner]

So I accidentally swallowed my gum during 4th period today, then coughed it up while running after school... 😬👎

[Simon @SimonKeiner]

7 years later and I just sold the Mustang, with 85,000 miles lol

[Simon @SimonKeiner]

Just broke 60,000 miles ☹️

[Simon @SimonKeiner]

Undergrad was not the real world… 😂

[Simon @SimonKeiner]

The feeling of graduating then realizing high school is over forever

[Simon @SimonKeiner]

When you’re presenting your leads to revenue model and the CRO asks you one question

[Simon @SimonKeiner]

When the teacher hands out the test and you look at the first question

[Simon @SimonKeiner]

And now we are engaged. How time flies 💕

[Julia Keiner @ShullJulia]

**talking about how warm our class is** "my back is basically the core of the earth rn" -@SimonKeiner

[Simon @SimonKeiner]

This is a true story…

[Simon @SimonKeiner]

My parents:*going to Alaska and wondering wether to get bear spray*

Me:*runs up on a bear and two cubs while trail running in Eugene Oregon a day before they leave*