SleepTalkerHusband

My husband talks in his sleep. He wakes me up. I write it down

[SleepTalkerHusband @SleepTalkerHus]

#sleeptalkingkid yelled at the top of her lungs: oh no! It's the witch!! (And then right back to sleep)

[SleepTalkerHusband @SleepTalkerHus]

#sleeptalkerhus: well you're certainly pathetic
Me: what?
S: I mean, Alex beat Catherine at pathetic
Me: how?
S: tactics
Me: what tactics
S: I dunno. I'm sleeping.

[SleepTalkerHusband @SleepTalkerHus]

#sleeptalkinghus: (yelling) woah woah woah! Putter gutter! Putter gutter!!!!

4am.

[SleepTalkerHusband @SleepTalkerHus]

He's baaaaaaaack.
#sleeptalkerHus: That's MY desk! STOP IT! It's MYYYYY DEEEESSSSK!

[SleepTalkerHusband @SleepTalkerHus]

Legnthy #sleeptalkinghus convo. Topics included:
- I got caught twice doing graffiti. (this part was whispered). He doesn't remember where I did it or what it looked like but it wasn't pretty.
- the cat is going to screw in the dice dentures.
- before and after pics of his hair

[SleepTalkerHusband @SleepTalkerHus]

#sleeptalkinghus had too much sugar last night and it took me this long to type it up.
S: ew ew (gags)
Me: you ok?
S: it's just modest dot com
Me: what's wrong?
S: it's really dirty
Me: I'm sorry, what?
S: the container. Don't worry about it.

[SleepTalkerHusband @SleepTalkerHus]

Sleeptalker ME: woweeeeeeee
Husband: what the fuck?!
Me: (awake) I'm sorry I had a bad dream!
H: that scared the shit out of me.
Me: welcome to my world.

[SleepTalkerHusband @SleepTalkerHus]

#sleeptalkerhus stirs as I turn around: what is happening over here?!
Me: what do you think is happening over here?
S: dunno. Something with the plumping of the (mumble)
Me: plumping of the what?
S: (over-enunciating like I'm an idiot). HOT. DOG. What is happening?!
Me: nothing!

[SleepTalkerHusband @SleepTalkerHus]

#sleeptalkinghus : Yes ma'am! (Intermittently throughout the night)

[SleepTalkerHusband @SleepTalkerHus]

#sleeptalkinghusband: there's a web right here
Me: a robe?
Him: a spider web
Me: is it bothering you?
Him: no.
M: is it a nice spider?
Him: yes
Me: what's its name?
Him: do you think I'm sleeping right now?
Me: is there a spider web?
Him: dunno.

[SleepTalkerHusband @SleepTalkerHus]

In honor of our anniversary:
#sleeptalkinghusband: it's a bag of "F." Fleaaaaaaas!!!!!

[SleepTalkerHusband @SleepTalkerHus]

2:36 am
#sleeptalkerhusband: it's blowing....up!
#Sleeptalkertoddler (on monitor): my feeeeeeeet!!!!

[SleepTalkerHusband @SleepTalkerHus]

#sleeptalkerhusband omaogaaaad that rainbow thing is so coooool.
Me: what is it?
S: it's a....like a Gallup! A Gallup. Dad has it for a bath! (Giggles gleefully)

Worth waking up to write that one down.

[SleepTalkerHusband @SleepTalkerHus]

#sleeptalkerhusband
Almost forgot!
Sleeptalker: But what do we do with the vegetables with the GRAY seeds?

The world may never know. But I'm guessing compost.

[SleepTalkerHusband @SleepTalkerHus]

#sleeptalkerhubs was telling me all this thoughts last night but I didn't wake up to write them down bc I was dreaming of someday seeing my children again here in a hotel after @AmericanAir cancelled our flight.

[SleepTalkerHusband @SleepTalkerHus]

#sleeptalkerhusband: Let's see some bell-bottoms!!!

[SleepTalkerHusband @SleepTalkerHus]

#sleeptalkerhusband: (sitting up, yelling) I'm confused!
Me: go to bed.
Him: I'm confused!!!
Me:. Go. To. Bed.
Him: ok! (Flops down)

[SleepTalkerHusband @SleepTalkerHus]

#sleeptalkerhus 1:40 am: (yelling) Cha Cha Cha!!!

[SleepTalkerHusband @SleepTalkerHus]

#sleeptalkerhus (yelling) why'd you do that?!
Me: what.
S: turn it red?!
Me: whaaaaaaattttt!
S: that! (Points to digital clock that is always red)
Me: why'd you wake me up?!
S: (mumbles confused and goes back to bed)

[SleepTalkerHusband @SleepTalkerHus]

Sleeptalker toddler? The last two nights he has woken up. Last night he was hysterically screaming, standing in his bed, saying, "my shooooooes!" And today he kept asking for "more firetruck." #sleeptalkertoddler