happy bitch

I'm funny like 30% of the time. Maybe 90% depends on you

[happy bitch @Smbrady02]

My parents tore up the carpet in their old ass bathroom and replaced it with more carpet. Specifically an oriental area rug cut to the shape of the bathroom. This is the source of all my problems.

[happy bitch @Smbrady02]

Not my alarm ( THE INSIDE SOUNDTRACK) going off while I was on a call with my new boss. And yes the first song was sexting.
@boburnham ily

[happy bitch @Smbrady02]

@garbagesocks They scare the shit outta me

[happy bitch @Smbrady02]

I asked my parents what my first word was and my dad said "algebra". If anyone was wondering were my sense of humor and math skills come from

[happy bitch @Smbrady02]

AC went out at my apt so I am evacuated to my parents placed for an UNDETERMINED amount of time.
Thoughts and prayers are appreciated.

[happy bitch @Smbrady02]

Getting a corgi to take a tablet medication is akin to wrestling a honey badger. 25 lbs of pure muscle

[happy bitch @Smbrady02]

He got bloody poops and I'm paying for a $250 x-ray just incase

[happy bitch @Smbrady02]

Being an anxious dog mom is sooooooo expensive 🙃

[happy bitch @Smbrady02]

I want an action movie where when the computer people are setting up all their fancy equipment they realize that there aren't enough outlets and no one has a power strip

[happy bitch @Smbrady02]

With the current state of affairs i vote that we reinstate duels. If I challenge a fetus inside my body to a duel and they don't show up to the duel they are defeated and must perish.

[happy bitch @Smbrady02]

Living close to my parents has its ups and downs like today my mother woke me up from a dead sleep to tell me she was dropping a fresh cinnamon roll off on my back porch and it was delicious

[happy bitch @Smbrady02]

@ivisjames @garbagesocks Oof yeah mine are just as long(7 ish days) but so light that I barely notice and I rarely have cramps but right after I got each I had spotting for like a month which was annoying

[happy bitch @Smbrady02]

@garbagesocks I've had 2 different hormonal ones so idk about the copper ones. It hurt real bad but they can numb you if you ask I believe. Personally I would rather have like one painful event than a bunch of painful periods and I havent had any problems with them. I usually forget I have it

[Shayla @shaydeofgold]

I’m here for the women who get abortions just because they want to. No explanation. If she does not want to be pregnant, that’s a good enough reason to me. I truly do not care. I’m done playing this morality game.

[happy bitch @Smbrady02]

With roe v wade being over turned i have come to the realization that there are eggs inside me and I would really like to scoop em outta me with a slotted spoon like fish roe thank you

[happy bitch @Smbrady02]

My mother didn't realize her insta was public and she had multiple spam accounts following her AND a sex shop

[happy bitch @Smbrady02]

Throwing cucumber and mint in a glass of water and pretending i have my shit together

[happy bitch @Smbrady02]

I left my lunch and breakfast at home this morning and you bet your ass i drove home at 8:30 am which did make me late for a 9 am meeting. I regret nothing

[happy bitch @Smbrady02]

It just feels weird that people my age are starting families and I still don't know what kind of light bulbs to buy

[happy bitch @Smbrady02]

Someone said "im not a nice person im a people pleaser." Amd I've never related more to anything in my life. I'll be cursing at my computer and my message "thank you so much you're the best!!!"