You have a Range Rover but you're coming for a girl who lives in the same apartment with a broke boy like me. Some men surprise me and I think that's a sign of esteem issues. When I get money broke women will never hear from me istg.
On first dates, I mostly ask questions around the following:
1. Genotype
2. I usually ask about themselves: things they enjoy doing, favorite meals, birthday, and the major things I need to know about them at first. Like, do you sleep with the lights on or off? 😂
3. Who in your life has influenced you the most? This is more important than it sounds. Listen to the kind of people they take as role models or who influenced them growing up. If they ever mention people like Tacha, Saida Boi, or BBNaija stars, you know what to do next.
4. How important is family in your life?
5. What’s one thing about yourself you think most people don’t notice?
6. How do you handle issues when you’re angry or when things aren’t going your way?
7. How do you feel about gender roles in marriage?
8. How do you handle conflict with family members?
9. What’s your take on feminism or gender equality?
10. What’s the one thing you refuse to compromise on in a relationship?
11. How much influence should parents have in your marriage?
12. How do you handle jealousy, your own or a partner’s?
13. How would you describe your relationship with your father?
14. How important is religion in your life and relationships?
15. How do you define success for yourself?
16. What’s the end goal of a relationship for you?
17. Have you ever thought about marriage, and when do you see yourself settling down?
18. How many kids would you want to have?
19. Have you experienced any childhood trauma?
20. What really happened in your previous relationships? Where did it go wrong?
21. What’s a dream you’ve had since childhood that you still want to pursue?
22. Do you regret any major life decisions, and why?
23. Have you ever sacrificed something important for someone else?
24. What’s your take on forgiveness?
25. What’s a personal habit you’re trying to unlearn?
everything in nigeria comes back to maslow’s hierarchy. when you don’t have the basics and you’re constantly in survival mode, it’s practically impossible to progress in any way.
women are hitting 30 unmarried because the men they want are not ready and the men who are ready are not who they want.
this generation of women is building, healing, and raising their standards all at once, and they are doing it while watching men enjoy the benefits of a dating culture that requires nothing from them.
commitment is not urgent for men when situationships exist, when intimacy is accessible without accountability, when no family member is pulling them aside at christmas asking why they are not married yet.
so women are arriving at 30 accomplished and emotionally prepared, looking around and finding that the market they prepared for is not prepared for them.
the men are not fully villains in this story though. a lot of them are simply lost. they are walking around with emotional blueprints that do not work anymore, raised on a version of masculinity that said be strong, provide, and never show weakness.
therapy is still a punchline in a lot of male spaces. vulnerability is still being mocked in group chats. so the men who genuinely want love are often reaching for it with tools that were never built for the job.
the ones who are doing the work are out there, but they are quiet and outnumbered by the ones who are still comfortable in half-commitments that ask nothing of them.
what is sitting underneath all of it is a generation that is lonelier than it lets on.
women are posting independence and privately grieving the love they want but cannot seem to find.
men are performing freedom while avoiding the depth that real partnership requires. social media is making solo life look aspirational.
therapy is making everyone hyperaware of what they deserve without always teaching them how to stay through the discomfort of being known.
the result is two groups of people wanting the same thing, moving in the same circles, and still somehow missing each other every single time.
Reducing what goes on in a boy’s head on his birthday to fake maturity is an evidence to how insensitive the other gender can be to a boy, many times even in relationships.
For boys, a lot of expectations are attached to age
While birthday is a call for studio photoshoot for some
for many boys, new age is a reminder of the apartment of their own that they should have had
It’s a reminder that they are getting too old to be where they’re financially, academically and relationship wise etc
On a normal day a boy could just sit and start thinking of how to move forward in life, that thinking is more intense on a birthday
So if they don’t send a picture of themselves as broadcast to all contacts on WhatsApp group for a repost, it’s not a flex
They are grateful for life, but when they have something truly worth celebrating they won’t hold back
It’s not fake maturity, we are usually on a date with reality and reality is not friendly.