SpicyDerek 🇨🇦

✋🪁

[Governor Newsom Press Office (parody) @AwesomeNewsom]

FINE! I, GAVIN C. NEWSOM, HAVE BEEN MANIPULATING THE WEATHER. I'VE ALSO BEEN SECRETLY INFLATING TRUMP'S ANKLES AND HIS ASS. THEN I HID HIS DEODORANT. AND SLIPPED HIM A PILL THAT FORCED HIM TO SURRENDER TO EVERYONE. I'M ALSO BEHIND THE GREAT STATE FAIR ROBBERY. I STOLE 185,000 PEOPLE, MAKING IT LOOK EMPTY. AND FOR MY PIÈCE DE RÉSISTANCE I ADDED "B" AT THE END OF DUMB, PRAYING HE WOULDN'T CATCH IT! BUT HE DID. I'M SO SORRY.

[Miss Ally @MissAlly_01]

I was offered sex today by a very handsome 26yo. In exchange I was to advertise some bathroom cleaner on Twitter. Of course I declined because of my morals & strong willpower, which is as strong as Ajax, the super strong bathroom cleaner available scented with vanilla or lemon.

[SpicyDerek 🇨🇦 @SpicyDerek_]

@CultureCrave It appears play DOES have its limits. 😒

[Christian-Angel (EVO A176) @Apollyon_abyss]

after about 5 weeks, i finally finished my Expedition 33 painting. It was interesting trying to do a piece about a game that's about art, But i really enjoyed this game so much

[Jeremy London @SirJeremyLondon]

I want to read everything this man writes 😎

[Mia K. @miakhalifa]

The year is 2044. Healthcare is nationalized, every pothole in the country is fixed, Edward Snowden is director of intelligence, AIPAC dismantled, and the white House ballroom is converted into a cat sanctuary Your president is @HunterBiden and your First Lady is Mia Khalifa

[God @TheTweetOfGod]

I loan it out in June.

[DOJA CAT @DojaCat]

hey elon if u see this please put the audio post feature back on here. Thanks, u frog build looking bitch. Barrel chested ewok u look like u eat sand.

[SpicyDerek 🇨🇦 @SpicyDerek_]

@actionjack69 Why was it loaded?

Why wasn’t the safety on?

Where was the trigger discipline?

[SpicyDerek 🇨🇦 @SpicyDerek_]

@frankiemuniz Nice, I actually watched that one last night!

[SpicyDerek 🇨🇦 @SpicyDerek_]

@Warcraft @WalmartCAGaming Ba-dum tsss! 🥁

[Adam Mockler @adammocklerr]

One commenter on the Strait of Hormuz being closed again:

“its like the mcdonalds icecream machine, sometimes there is a rumor that it works, you rush to the place, but by the time you get there it is broken again.”

[Medical Grower 420 🇺🇸 @medicalgrower42]

We need weed-friendly adult arcades: neon-lit spots where you can spark up, then dominate classics like Street Fighter, Mortal Kombat, and Pac-Man in a chill, legal vibe. Perfect stress relief with games and cannabis.

[Scott Robertson @sarobertson_]

Prime Minister Mark Carney has been named one of TIME Magazine's “Top 100 Most Influential People of 2026”

[Dean Blundell🇨🇦 @ItsDeanBlundell]

Yeah, so Carney needs to ban ICE from entering Canada. Period. Fucking. Stop.

[Sabrina Carpenter @SabrinaAnnLynn]

house tour video is out now!!
take your shoes off 🩷 https://t.co/WUzTQ26P5V

[SpicyDerek 🇨🇦 @SpicyDerek_]

@_matthewpearson @traderjoeslut So….a yeaster bunny? 😁

[Stormfall @stormfall33]

"Executive requests gold turned into poo to appeal to poo eaters"
Many such cases

[SpicyDerek 🇨🇦 @SpicyDerek_]

@lilbatzz Prey

[Christopher Walkin™ @Quadcarl]

He makes a good point here…