Scottie Pippstein

Tweets and blockbusters.

[Scottie Pippstein @SPippstein]

Twitter - a flash mob of nervous breakdowns.

[Damon Hunzeker @DamonHunzeker]

Enriching uranium is for nerds.

[Scottie Pippstein @SPippstein]

I accidentally discovered how to compress a lifetime of incompetence into a zero-likes tweet.

[Scottie Pippstein @SPippstein]

Twitter: because the remnants of your brain also deserve documentation.

[Lionella @x_zaich]

I put mid in midlife crisis

[Scottie Pippstein @SPippstein]

It will be hard to fill the space left behind by the internet stranger whose tweets I forgot after four seconds.

[Scottie Pippstein @SPippstein]

Twitter graduated top of its class from the Complete Waste of Time Academy.

[Scottie Pippstein @SPippstein]

Reality is the only thing standing between your delusional theories and the truth.

[ɢʀɛɛռ ɢօɖ @iGreenGod]

Be addicted to staying lowkey.

[Scottie Pippstein @SPippstein]

Mark my words: [insert meaningless statement here].

[Scottie Pippstein @SPippstein]

Assert your right to be ignored by a group of strangers: join Twitter.

[Trish is Tired @ImJstRlyTired]

I need a week off to study birds

[Scottie Pippstein @SPippstein]

Congratulations on reaching your zero-likes quota for the winter.

[Scottie Pippstein @SPippstein]

A theory gaining traction on social media suggests that you have no idea what you’re talking about.

[Scottie Pippstein @SPippstein]

The void is looking for 3–5 volunteers to keep tweeting after WWIII.

[Scottie Pippstein @SPippstein]

Eat, Pray, Become Extinct.

[Scottie Pippstein @SPippstein]

Welcome to Twitter: it’s the lack of thought that counts.

[Scottie Pippstein @SPippstein]

@jeanisalunatic The next stage is a comfort fortress.

[Scottie Pippstein @SPippstein]

The void is in the fitting room trying on your tweets.

[Scottie Pippstein @SPippstein]

The committee recommends out-of-Twitter placement in your case.

[Scottie Pippstein @SPippstein]

Posting dims your aura.