SpireHawk

“...I perceive everything I say as absolutely true, and deficient in nothing whatever, and paint it all in my mind exactly as I want it to be.

[SpireHawk @SpireHawk]

Upon further review, I am NOT, in fact, too sexy for my shirt, Milan, New York, Japan, your party, my car, hat, cat, or Love. My apologies.

[SpireHawk @SpireHawk]

So all these ads for people running for various offices in Missouri are satire, right? Right?!?! These can’t be real human beings…..

[SpireHawk @SpireHawk]

Ok, someone needs to find the person who picks the music for MTV Classics. Most of these videos came out after I graduated college, so clearly they haven’t been out long enough to be “classic”. Now, if you will excuse me, I’ll be having an existential crisis the rest of day.

[SpireHawk @SpireHawk]

Just moments ago my wife likened me to Bea Arthur. So that's something I have to come to terms with.

[SpireHawk @SpireHawk]

@sean_brimer I did learn that I’m the sort of doofus who, after hearing unexpected yelling and loud popping sounds stupidly comes out of his office to see what the commotion is about.

[SpireHawk @SpireHawk]

Dear employers, if you are going to offer up your place of business to local law enforcement who want to have 'active shooter' training, please inform all employees who might possibly be working late.

[SpireHawk @SpireHawk]

@flowergal98 @sean_brimer

[SpireHawk @SpireHawk]

Hey @sean_brimer , I'm having a bit of a crisis about my sure-to-be-upcoming midlife crisis. Should I go speedboat or ridiculous sports car? Also thinking about "just for men"-ing my beard, but going absurdly jet black with it. Your thoughts, considering you're almost there, too?

[SpireHawk @SpireHawk]

@sean_brimer Hells yes. What if we combine our efforts and start a motorcycle group? Go on weeks long ride with “the boys” on those touring bikes that have all the amenities? …shit, that started out as a joke, but I think I’m at the age where that’s actually sounding pretty good.

[SpireHawk @SpireHawk]

Despite my cynical and generally aloof nature, I genuinely try to remain positive and confident about where I’m going in life and goals I’ve set for myself.

I gotta say, though, I’m starting to have serious doubts I’ll ever play in the NFL.

[SpireHawk @SpireHawk]

@sean_brimer

[SpireHawk @SpireHawk]

This will end well.

https://t.co/WdOtqwZMyv

[SpireHawk @SpireHawk]

Does anybody know if Kelis is still offering classes on milkshakes, and if so what the current charge would be? Asking for a friend.

[SpireHawk @SpireHawk]

@sean_brimer @flowergal98

[SpireHawk @SpireHawk]

I think that of all things I'm terrible at in life (and there are a LOT), my inability to accurately estimate the amount of pasta I need to cook continually astounds me.

I only ever cook for two people yet I've never made less than 54 servings of pasta for any dish.

[SpireHawk @SpireHawk]

@sean_brimer

[SpireHawk @SpireHawk]

Interesting factoid about me: I, apparently, don’t know a single Usher song. Why yes, I *am* a middle aged white guy from the Midwest, why do you ask?

[SpireHawk @SpireHawk]

@sean_brimer Man, grow up.

*goes back to putting together his Optimus Prime lego set*

[SpireHawk @SpireHawk]

@sean_brimer

[SpireHawk @SpireHawk]

Me checking by bank account: Man, I just can't seem to get any traction and get ahead.

Also me: OH! My new Prine John figure just arrived!!!