Garrett Crowell

I tweet things in bursts, then quit for awhile.

[Garrett Crowell @Squidbag1]

"Invite friends to play with you on our platform? Who're you kidding? You don't have any fucking friends. That's why you're playing this."

[Garrett Crowell @Squidbag1]

There is some small degree of comfort in knowing that whatever role I might play in a zombie apocalypse, at least you won't be able to see it on my clothes.

[Garrett Crowell @Squidbag1]

I can't tell the difference between "don't want to" and "can't" at the moment.

And then there's my old friend "shouldn't."

[Garrett Crowell @Squidbag1]

PARENTS BEWARE: I opened my kids' pre-Halloween candy and found the same tired old fucking joke that gets trotted out with new scary make-up on year after year, so look out for that shit.

[Garrett Crowell @Squidbag1]

Kanye West: like Andy Kaufman, but without brains, humanity or insight.

[Garrett Crowell @Squidbag1]

We need new ways of not liking stuff without being a prick about it or fucking with the enjoyment of others.

[Garrett Crowell @Squidbag1]

Seriously, fucking EVERYTHING is down there.

I think we're getting to it just in time; an accretion disk was beginning to form around the gravity well.

[Garrett Crowell @Squidbag1]

If you've ever lost anything, it's probably in my den.

[Garrett Crowell @Squidbag1]

@MJMcKean Thanks for the recommendations; have only seen Nope, but loved it.

[Garrett Crowell @Squidbag1]

@KariByron I wish I could help you like you've helped me from afar so many times just by being a source of comfort & entertainment. Hope all is well.

[Garrett Crowell @Squidbag1]

We're all adults here, and tired: why isn't Nap Day a national holiday yet?

[Garrett Crowell @Squidbag1]

Creeping realizations are the worst kind.

[Garrett Crowell @Squidbag1]

People who yell out, "I got it on video!" on videos fuck up the whole video.

[Garrett Crowell @Squidbag1]

I bet Don the Chump is watching the same show I'm watching.

I hope someone explains it to him.

[Garrett Crowell @Squidbag1]

@elonmusk: My name is Garrett Crowell, and I am a 47-year old father of two, and a librarian married to a schoolteacher in Murfreesboro, Tennessee.
I am writing you to ask for life-changing money. There's nothing that I know of that I can do for you, but I could use some help.

[Garrett Crowell @Squidbag1]

I am really lifted this morning by the number of people in my social media who have apparently not only never said anything they might regret or that hurts another's feelings, but who also have never lashed out in anger.

[Garrett Crowell @Squidbag1]

I'm raising money for Send Bee to Governor's School for the Arts!. Click to Donate https://t.co/5HblFICto0

[Garrett Crowell @Squidbag1]

@llcoolj - do you have a story about NOT being able to buy a piano in Kansas City? Maybe somewhere in the early to mid-90s?

[Garrett Crowell @Squidbag1]

You know what's easier than apologizing for cross-posting? NOT CROSS-POSTING.

Sorry if you've already seen this.